might not be the most beautiful girl..Nor do I have the perfect body..I might not be your first choice… But I am a GREAT choice….I don’t pretend to be someone else… Cause I am too GOOD at being ME….I might not be proud of some of the things I’ve done…But…I am proud of who I am today…Take me as I am…or… watch me as I go! Copy and repost if you love being you! ♥
This is a statement that is on most of my friends on Facebook have on their status and I completely believe it.
I know that I have a weight issue it’s not hard to deny I have extra cushion in places that it wasn’t there before, but I don’t feel fat till I look in the mirror I’m serious.. I don’t have issues with movement, I don’t feel any worse but I know that if I lost about 50 pds or more I would feel better about my self personally. Because when I look in the mirror I think I’m bigger then I am, I haven’t changed sizes in 5 years, I’m not going up in weight and my clothes are actually looser then they used to be in fact I’ve lost about 25 pds since February. but yet I still don’t like what I see in the mirror. That worries me because as I explore more of my issues with self-esteem/relationships some of the factors about my weight are coming to light and I’m not sure I like what I’m learning maybe I’ll share but not tonight. I am after just getting to know you, whoever you is.
So you would think that reading magazines, watching Model competitions would depress me but I love fashion and everything to do with it probably left over from my childhood dream of being a fashion designer till I was told my a design school that you can’t be a designer if you can’t draw. ( and I can’t draw not well enough to be a designer of any kind) So now it’s a hobby. I also love watching people reach their dreams.
So I’m thinking this way tonight because that trip that I’m taking at the end of August is a family wedding which means dress shopping which I am not looking forward to yes to a new dress but no to finding a dress to fit this shape. I’m not an hourglass or a pear or an apple. I have a nice upper body except for my arms due to not keeping them toned after doing physical labour job. I developed a stupid spare tire around my belly which is what I call a stress belly because when I am stressed I gain weight there and as soon as the stress is removed it vanishes it again, and when your belly is a hand away from your breasts (short torso) and the piece de la resistance is my lower half I am blessed with wide hips and all my weight is on my lower half and I have been trying unsuccessfully to remove the fat from there for years I’ve tried everything but I gave up and became a workaholic and that is when the weight really added up.
So now at the age of 33 I am about 50 pds overweight if I would have grown a couple more inches I probably it wouldn’t be so bad but that is another thing that sometimes sucks I’m only about 5 ft and a bit and I truly do need the bit.
I’m just tired of being unhappy about my life I’m going to start making some changes and hopefully my changes will make you want to change to its the small steps that make the big journey don’t know where I heard that but I’m determined to become healthier in all ways not just physically but spiritually, mentally, socially, and overall become a more well-rounded person.
As superficial as it sounds I unfortunately believe that if I lose some weight that the rest of the pieces of my life will fall into place why because my reasons for isolating myself won’t be so blatantly obvious but the first step in getting there is digging deeper into why the weight got there in the first place.
I have a game plan I need to get working that will get me out of the house, if I’m out of the house I’ll get that jolt of self acceptance which will want me to go further into making me feel better about myself and that is when the weight loss kicks in, maybe a gym or maybe I’ll just start walking more and doing more at home.
Once that happens where I’m at a point where I’m willing to opening myself further I will become ready and willing to open up to someone and hopefully find that life partner who has the same goals and beliefs as I do.. I don’t want to be alone but right now I’m not in a place for someone to love me, I don’t completely love who I am right now. I don’t want to attract someone who is a sick as me I want a healthy relationship, marriage.
So for today I’m going to look in the mirror and continue to not feel fat.. just me.
Take Care and God Bless