Well I went to this great conference over the weekend and it was basically about leaving your past behind and focusing on the present because as long as you are focused on the past and the previous mistakes you have made or regrets you hold about your life and the path/trajectory it is/was on. The less you will be able to move on/ the less present you will be in the actual present.
I celebrated mom’s birthday yesterday it was great. The reason why it brings all these issues up though is that when my mom and aunts/cousins get together we sit around the table and talk about the past in fact they spend most of the time talking about how mischevious they were as teens or other stuff they got up to. It made me think is this all there is to sit around and talk about all the stuff we have done.
I was dreading this evening due to my current life’s trajectory. My family how can I say this in polite terms has a tendency to tear me apart and my choices whether it be about my finances, my job, my diet, my weight, my health excetera so that is probably why I didn’t really try hard to stick to the cleanse so yesterday and today were cheats and tomorrow is a cleanse day I’m human and lo and behold I make mistakes. I paid for it today though.
Before I start talking about that, the other reason I’ve been thinking this is I’m applying for jobs as most of you know and right now I hope I’m being judged on my present and not my past but we know that your past especially in employment situations can hold you back. I used to miss a lot of work before due to illness, let’s just put it this way I was a sick cookie and I missed work a lot because of it. I failed college because of sickness so now I have a lot of past jobs that ended negatively and I’m wondering am I ever going to escape it. Also now they are running credit checks on you with the idea that the way you manage your finances is how you manage your job so if you have difficulty with making payments are maxed out it makes you a high risk employee.
I’m sorry but that argument does not work in my circumstance, I am nothing like my finances dictate. My finances don’t show that for the past 10-15 yrs I have been supporting my family in some way shape or form. They don’t know that my cards are maxed out because I took a trip and then was fired 2 weeks after. They don’t show my struggles or the life I have had. All it looks like is I’m irresponsible with money which is the last thing that I am. I’m nothing on my job like I am in life. I put on a persona of confidence and knowledge and most of the time I can sound like I’ve been educated all my life and not a college dropout. If that is what is holding me back is my past it’s a shame because they are missing out on the present me who has grown up a lot since then.
So back to today.
I woke up feeling like I was hung over from all the stupid sugar I ingested, but I took my shake and my “electrolyte drink” and my headache was gone without meds it was awesome, normally that used to knock me around for the whole day.
It’s day 15 and besides the little slip I’ve been pretty much sticking with it, haven’t been adding exercise though I’m sure that would make a difference I’ll start adding that in next month. That’s my goal to start exercising more and with the weather possibly changing to spring it could be a possibility. I’m sleeping better, my cravings are dwindling, and my energy is great. The IBS hasn’t gotten in line yet but that could be a couple of months before that occurs and I know it. So I’m ready to order my next months shipment and continue, my mom believes in my health and is assisting in the cause till I get fluid and cash positive with employment.
So thank you and God Bless