stay tuned this is a woman on the move who is tired of living a life of excuses and is going to do something about it, whatever it takes (nothing that breaks my moral code of course) My life, my struggles to get out of debt, getting healthy and not knowing what's next. trying to figure it all out. anyway I can

Okay so where do I start.  If you have been following my blog, you know that in Jan of this year I started a nutritional cleansing program called Isagenix.  I don’t want my blog to turn into an infomercial but needless to say it’s been life changing and finally feel like the Tina Marie I used to be before I allowed my insecurities and fear oh and depression from stopping me from living a full life.  I’m not saying that Isagenix was my cure all there were alot of other things I did besides this but it was the catalyst to getting the ball rolling into helping me and will continuously help me to get to where I want to be at least when it comes to my physical health.

Okay so when I started this program for the first time in November of 2010 I was just taking the shakes twice a day or once a day etc.  It was a sample from a friend to see if I had any adverse reactions to the products before I invested into it.   I didn’t in fact within the first week I noticed a difference and I lost 10lbs in that month alone.  Yeah it was probably mostly water weight but it got the ball rolling and I’m not stopping till I reach my goal.  When I started I weighed 197lbs 3 short of 200lbs which is a lot, but when you add the fact that I am barely 5ft 1″, it’s hazardous and can cause all sorts of problems.. I tend to carry my weight in my hips, thighs and butt.  However at this weight I was carrying it all over.

Okay so lets fast forward to January I started to do the whole system I wish I can say that I’m the poster child for routines but I’m not.  I suck and I’m working on this too.  I am not good at following a regimen of anything so I have not been doing the system to the letter or consistently.. Mostly due to finances but when I am following it to the T.  I am amazed at how better I feel.  My digestive issues have improved, I’m sleeping better, my skin is clearer, oh and my energy is through the roof.   Basically I am a new person and my family and friends have  noticed it and so are therefore encouraging me to continue with it.  I’ve also got some family that have joined independently on their own and are having some great results with it as well.

I have my drive back.. it went away for a bit but it’s back and I am loving it.  So I have lost 30lbs since I started and this is not doing it consistently and without very little exercise.   Which is great I have found since starting this that I have lost my taste for junkfood my body craves healthy foods, I have more energy and I want to exercise.   So that’s it, infomercial over lol.   I have been promising before and after’s forever but I thought I could do one better and show some pics since Aug 2010 till Aug 2011 so you can see the difference like I do.

You may be thinking and I know I thought the same thing that the system I’m doing sounds hazardous because I doesn’t sound like I’m eating much but trust me I am eating more now then I did before this I used to only eat once a day (supper usually and a huge one because I was starving)  Now I’m eating up to 6 times a day.  My 2 shakes, snacks and meal.. I’m drinking ridiculous amounts of water.   Oh and because I have got my digestive system back on track I actually am able to eat a meal and not have to worry that it won’t stay in.  You can check it and it’s properities by clicking the Link.  I’m planning on doing this or some variation of this for the rest of my life.   The way I look at it is that it’s this or spend the same kind of money on ridiculous amounts of meds to keep me going.   I can’t say that Isagenix did all this for me but losing weight and getting back on track with my sleep patterns and starting to exercise certainly didn’t hurt.

So what else have I done people are starting to ask.  I hate exercise but I love to walk so I’ve been walking more, walking home from downtown.  Walking to the Beach.  Just a lot more walking.. Getting outside enjoying summer.. I went swimming 2x this summer first time in 4 years I’ve been swimming in the lake.  Just those 15mins a day or 3x a week has made a difference.

I’ve stop beating myself up, I allow myself a treat every now and then.  I think okay I know that if I got completely on board with this program and did it to the letter that I would see even bigger results like I have seen around me.  It’s like anything if you want to do it well you have to stick with it.  I am hoping over the next couple of months that I will be able to get more active and by my 35th birthday in December in 4 months have lost another 10lbs or more.

I’m not perfect and that’s okay with me I ran out a couple of weeks ago well more like 3 weeks and instantly I wanted junk and because I wasn’t on the system I ended up pigging out a couple of times but the majority of the time I have been doing well.  I’m not ashamed to admit that one night well mindlessly watching 3 versions of Next Top Model I devoured a pint of Ben & Jerry’s If I had a 1million flavours, or that then a couple of weeks later I ended up having chips for supper (All dressed).   That’s okay I can start again tomorrow.  Which I did.

So this month I’m treating it like the beginning of my school year too.  I’m going to get back on track and start following a regimen in my life I’ve already got the ball rolling when it comes to my sleeping and eating habits now onto the rest of it which is the dreaded word of exercise.  I still don’t have the finances to join a gym so I’m going to be home-schooled for now and will attempt to self teach myself till that time comes and I can attend classes.

This months goals are:

  • to start going for a walk at least 3x’s a week.
  • Do at least 20mins a day on the ball/pilates
  • Start stretching in the AM before work
  • Continue to eat healthy till next shipment comes in next week.
  • Stretch at work, get up from my desk more often.
That’s it for this entry now the part that you have all been waiting for pictures.   I have not taken the precaution of blacking out my face, I’m beginning to get less and less concerned about being discovered.  This part of my life I don’t have a problem shouting it from the roof tops.
Okay Pics from Aug 2010 to Aug 2011

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Oops I’ve gone and done the disappearing thing again.. Okay I am alive and I am here I don’t really know why I haven’t been blogging.  I won’t make any promises but well here’s an update to what’s been going on in my tiny little world.

Feels likes I have a new wardrobe since starting in this placement now that I am back to wearing my professional clothes. There are pros and cons to every situation now I am wearing my pro clothes I now need new clothes due to all the lbs I’ve lost, loving this new placement hope it turns into something more long term. I work in an office doing data entry/review and I get to spend the day with great people listening to music/podcasts all day woo hoo.. God is working, always has been.. just needed to be reminded.

I have been there now a little over a week and a bit and scheduled to be there for another 9weeks, start praying.. Anyways I am doing data entry in the morning and in the afternoon I have been assigned okay I volunteered to do the Data Entry Training Manual for the program and processes that we use. So far I started it on Tuesday afternoon and I have a 8220words and 32page manual and I am not done.. Guess I really am a writer, I submitted my rough copy to my supervisor on Friday for comments and corrections.. A little nervous still a lot left to do figure I should have it done by next week on Fri.   ( Was informed by supervisor that this is a daily thing over my entire term there so there is no actual due date, that takes the pressure off, mind you I was kind of looking forward to a new project)
The other part of my job playing on Google/internet looking for research relevant to what my office offers. Due to confidentiality can’t publish here.

There are rumblings of possibly extending my placement but won’t find out till this one is done or near completion if that were to happen it could possibly last till November or longer.  We will see I am holding out hope for that but if not then the next door will open for a new possibility.

So yeah this week was awesome we raise money for a different organization every month and this month is the Genevra house a women’s/children shelter here in town and we do this by paying for dress-down days on fridays and this week on Tuesday we had Desserts for a Cause where we could pay different amounts of money and get some desserts.

The manager of the office well she used to be a caterer/baker so she has talents coming out of her ying yang, she made a dessert buffet and from there you picked the number of pieces you purchased.
She made so many good things I’ll name some to make you salivate a little. Raspberry Oatmeal Squares; Blueberry Cheesecake, Buttertart Squares, Banana Bread, Chocolate Chip cookies, Peanut butter Cookies, Peanut Butter Mouse Cake with a Brownie bottom; Praline cheesecake, Apple Crumb tartlets, mini sugar pies, sucre de la creme; yummy want some more just from listing it.

Another cool thing that has happened is that well my supervisor was working from home she made me the lead of the team for the day and has said I will be in charge of the team when she’s not there.  Yikes only a week and someone is trying to shove me into leadership.. FYI I am terrified of the responsibility of being a leader, I know I can do it just don’t want to, but every time I turn around someone wants me in that role.  So yeah I totally feel in my element at work and now that has been sorted for a bit I can start to concentrate on other aspects of my life.

Like well getting my health back on track.  July 2nd I will be going back to my life of cleansing using my Isagenix System I now have the products needed to do that and after seeing what I saw when I went window shopping with my co worker I even more determined to get down to my goal weight and I figure I have another40lbs to go (according to the BMI scale) or so I will see at different stages how I look.  Well I have been unsuccessful in procuring my before picture from my friend hence the delay but I promise one is coming as well as an after.

I know that I have lost at least 20lbs possibly 30 I have gone done 3 sizes.  ( Would probably be more if I would add more exercise to my schedule besides walking).  It felt amazing window shopping this time around. A coworker who gives me a ride home decided that she needed new pants and since I needed to pick up some stuff and haven’t been to the mall in ages I followed her to the store.  Glad I did it gave me the encouragement I needed I knew I was losing weight because of my wardrobe at home but I had no idea how much till I started trying on clothes in the store.  I started with my (old) size and it was just hanging on me then I went down a size and a another and a another till I was standing there in a size M and a size 12.  I was amazed and kept falling in love with everything I tried on so I think once the bills are in order I am going to treat myself to one knock out piece as a celebration to my new size/job.  Won’t go crazy because I plan on losing more weight so there’s no use buying a new wardrobe I’ll just shop value village for a bit till I get at the weight I wanna be.

I am still flying from that revelation and pumped into becoming who I was meant to be.  I used to be small then I allowed life and my emotions to take over when I was in high school in Grade 12 I was a size 7/9 then in college I started stuffing my emotions (stress, fear, loneliness, exhaustion etc)  and ballooned up and it just continued to get higher and higher.  I started this journey for my health and strictly so but I would be lying if I didn’t want to be attractive to the opposite sex.  I used to be afraid of that attention and hence I blanketed myself with fat but now I am ready to shed that part of me and become the me I am supposed to be showing the world.(who I see inside my head)    I would like to meet someone and get married and I am not going to do that with the me that I was because that me was hiding herself away inside herself.  Now I am open to all possibilities and can only see the best for my future.

Okay oops getting hokey I know that I used my fat as a shield to keep me from being looked at and I am not saying that being heavier I wouldn’t be attractive.  To me though I was not attractive because I put up this huge wall saying I was not open to the possibilities of love or friendship, move on nothing to see here kind of mentality.

Okay this is getting too deep for an update thinking I may discuss this more in depth in another post.

So that’s what’s happened since we chatted now onto the fun stuff the finances.

Well in a nutshell my finances suck,  I have gotten a little behind and am now starting the process of digging myself out of this past year and getting back to where I was before this whole unemployment journey started I will go back to living within in my means and getting out of debt.  The way my paycheques work I get paid weekly and they are a week behind so I work this week but don’t get paid for till next week kind of thing which I love because that means I can pay bills every week which makes them happy.

So the idea is that I will use 3 of the 4 cheques to pay bills and my last one will be for rent, I figure if I am strict like that for the next two months I will start to get back on the right track and when I get the next contract at their rate of pay and not the agencies I will be able to really get into paying down my debt.. Right now the focus is just getting back to regular payments and stop being behind.

I am still seriously considering consolidating it would help me by giving me only one payment/lower interest and it would look really great when I go buy a house I think because my old debts would be cleared up and make it look like I have more credit.  I don’t know I sometimes feel like it’s the easier way out like that would be cheating, but the circumstance from the past year have made me think I need to do something.  Because at the rate I am going paying minimum payments it will take forever to get out of debt.

I am planning on getting a car next year if the finances pan out.  I have been offered a 2008 vehicle for $5000 grand for March 2012 and that would be a good first vehicle for me.  FYI I have never owned a vehicle in fact as of right now I am not even fully licensed so this would be a step towards adulthood (which would be great considering I turn 35 in Dec).  I would park it the majority of the time it would just be nice to have an asset and some more independence oh and the freedom to go places like visiting my bro and his kids, oh and Toronto.  Just another thought bubble that’s a way off.

Okay I am rambling but I figured since you haven’t heard from me in a bit you would put up with it.  There will be more regular posting this week.  Don’t worry I’ll keep you in the loop..

Hope everyone had a great week, Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie.

Okay when I started this post it was 3 O’clock, I still like the title so it stays.

Well where have I been well lets see I had a placement for a couple of weeks that wiped me out to point of exhaustion on a daily basis that ended on June 2nd.  Then I woke up on Friday with a cold that knocked me on my keister for a week or more so.  The beginning of June has sucked but now were in the middle and things seem to be turning around.

So let’s see beginning of June was filled with a Sunburn, pain and sickness. I’ve recovered and am now a nice shade of tan, can feel my body again and I am finally getting my voice/breath back.  Oh and the best news is I have a job for the summer..  Woo hoo and the best part or one of the best parts is that is is an Office job doing data entry Mon-Fri 8:30-4:30.  I am going to see summer..

So that is great news I only really missed out on a week of making money because the job starts tomorrow so it looks like I may be on track to finally making some progress in digging myself out this lovely pit that I dug myself in over my long unemployment.  I love that I get paid weekly.

It’s not terrific pay but you know what it’s going to pay my bills and allow me some breathing room for the first time in a long time so I am grateful for that.  I knew it was all about timing, HIS timing but I was really starting to go to that place that made me question every last decision I’ve made over the last year.  Like playing the “what if game” to death in my head in writing etc.  Doubting my abilities and taking every single last rejection as personal “like why don’t they like me, what do I have to do to make them see that I am a great employee.  Well I know it’s only for the summer but those 10 weeks are going to start the ball rolling to great things and I believe that I have finally turned the corner.. from this craptastic year and a bit.

So on the agenda of course is getting out of debt, or as I like to call it my pit of debt.  I will do that by concentrating on the most important bills, you know the one’s that are calling and threatening me with collections.  Then I will begin to do a debt snowball and become debt free.  I am still debating about consolidating my bills into one lump sum of low interest debt and one payment, but if I do that it will still be a while down the road.  Once I am secure in my employment and make more wages.  In theory consolidation sounds like a great solution but it means I will have more credit/debt then less if I stick with the hard way of paying more then the minimum and getting my debt gone one at a time, it may be better in the long run.  I don’t know it’s just a something I’ve been bouncing around in my pretty little head since I got a “letter” in the mail offering to consolidate my debt.

I am also going to work on growing my side income and that may involve me making me a public brand I am taking “baby steps” toward this direction.  I am sad that my sickness made me miss Part 2 of a seminar that I had attended earlier on this year about Co-Creating and creating Leaders/Mentors which was part of my side business.  I am sure I will get another chance to talk to PK Smith about the foundations involved in Co-Creation.

Next is to take my nephew who I promised 2 summers ago that I would take him to Wonderland, I couldn’t last summer because there was no money, okay that’s not entirely true I had a family reunion/wedding that came up and was more urgent (Cross Canada Road Trip).  But this year I am going to make an effort to get him there.  He’s the only one that I haven’t done something with (that’s old enough for rides).  I took his two sisters on a Toronto extravanganza 2 summers ago.  The Zoo, Wonderland, School Clothes Shopping, Staying in a Hotel, oh and eating where ever they wanted etc.  Essentially I spoiled them rotten.   So although it won’t be the extravaganza his sisters had it is something he wants to do and has asked many times over the last  year when we were going.  (He’s 8 next week).  So other then that.  I will be holding my purse strings pretty tight for the summer.  Till I know where I stand for the fall.

Oh and one other thing I have lost over 20lbs (probably closer to 30lbs) (Did it with my nutritional cleanse Isagenix) since November don’t know the exact lbs lost till I step on a scale again this week because the last weigh in was done a couple of weeks ago.  But who cares I feel amazing and now I am ready and willing to tone this new shape that is happening ( I have energy and want to exercise).  The only part I am a tiny bit sad about is that I lost a little of my chest.  I liked it before but you know what it was a little to big so it will be nice to be able to shop for some nice bras once I get financially fit.  I am working on getting my before and after’s done from my friend so you can see the difference.

So in a nutshell that’s what’s been going on and why I have been absent yet again from the blogosphere, hope to be more regular now that I will be in a better head space then I have been and also because hopefully my life will become more interesting.

Thanks and God Bless

Tina Marie

Okay it’s another update.

Well last we talked I had gotten a temp job that was to last 2 days and then got extended to another week, well it has been extended again to another week. Yeah, some money is finally coming in, boo because my body hates this job hence the title of this little update.

My mom keeps telling me I am not to grumble and complain about this because it is more then I had before. I’ve made the decision that I will show gratitude and be grateful for my job however crappy and painful it maybe.

But on here I can tell you that this job although it is not very stressful, it is really hard physically it’s a complete 180 from what I was doing previously. I am on my feet for 8 hr straight and there is a lot of physicality involved in this job.. Muscles that haven’t been used in a while are getting their use and telling me they don’t like it.
So I have decided although this job is extremely hard on my body you should see the blister and bruises, and I come home hobbling up the stairs on a daily basis. I am going to keep working there as long as it is with my temp agency that way if something better comes up I won’t have missed my opportunity.

They did offer me a job within a day of working there, they are extremely short-staffed and you can tell but I will not do that to my body for the long term.. I am going to buy new shoes on Monday after work and see if that changes the situation any, hopefully it does or I am going to have a really fun week(she says sarcastically).

So for now this is my life I now am a morning person I have to be up at 6am what a switch from 6 months ago when there were times I was going to bed at 6 am. I love the hours though if I could find a job with those hours that wouldn’t be so hard for me physically then I would jump all over it. It is 8 to 4:30 so perfect. You get home with plenty of daylight left and you can have a social life.

So that’s me for the next week then we will see my guess is I’m probably there for the month of June, unless they get an influx of staff. If not something else will come up, and by leaving the door open with the temp agency they will still be looking on my behalf for another placement.

So that’s the professional life now onto my personal life, oh that’s right I don’t have one lol..

So that’s it for now I am hoping to be able to put some more time into posts this week but right now they might be a little sporadic during the week.

Soon to come update on cleanse and before and after pics I finally took some lol..

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie

Nine-Layer Dip
Yeah, so. I’m busy this week working a temp job,  maybe I’ll be more reflective next week.. Update coming

LAYER ONE: 
— Name: Tina Marie
— Nickname: Tee, depends who you ask.
— Birth date: December 16th
— Birthplace: Sudbury, Ontario, Canada
— Current Location:  Ontario, Canada
— Eye Color: blue, change colours depending on what I’m wearing and my mood!
— Hair Color: was born with natural black curly hair, since i was 2 though it’s been blonde with light blonde hightlights.
— Height: Depends on who you ask I think I am 5ft1″ 1/4. but my licence says 156cm.
— Righty or Lefty: Righty

LAYER TWO: 
— Your heritage: Mom’s Scottish/German/Norweigan, Dad’s: Metis/French/and Irish?
— The shoes you wore today: black sandals
— Your weakness: magazines,dvd’s and anything made with potatoes.
— Your fears: needles
— Your perfect pizza: Hawaiian: Sauce, Ham, Cheese with Pineapple
— Goal you’d like to achieve: to be loved and love someone else (sorry I stole that from Moulin Rouge)

LAYER THREE: 
— Your most overused phrase twitter: Yeah
— Your first waking thoughts: whoa what a werid dream
— Your best physical feature: My Eyes they are very descriptive, I say everything with my eyes if I don’t say it with my mouth.
— Your most missed memory: Anything to do with my bestfriend(s) I miss everyone so much.

LAYER FOUR: — Pepsi or Coke: Neither I don’t drink Pop
— McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald’s hands down BK makes me sick
— Single or group dates: well, neither would be good right now (dating sabbatical), I’m kinda of mature for group dates, but it’s good when your meeting ppls for the first time
— Adidas or Nike: I like the look of Adidas better I don’t wear either though not enough support.
— Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea, Lipton has aftertaste
— Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate to eat, vanilla to smell
— Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino (when I used to drink coffee)

LAYER FIVE: — Smoke: Not in 12 yrs
— Cuss: rarely, (sometimes when I stub my toe or really angry)
— Sing: every chance I get, I like singing
— Take a shower everyday: depends on what’s going on if i’m just home vegging no, if i’m in public on a daily basis.
— Do you think you’ve been in love: yes, Totally irrevocably so, too bad it didn’t last.
— Want to go to college: Definatey, want to finish still determined to get a degree of some kind.
— Liked high school: yep, it was where I met some of the best people who are still in my life to this day
— Want to get married: Yes definately, no rush though still young.
— Believe in yourself: depends on what day it is, most of the time yes.
— Get motion sickness: always even on city buses.
— Think you’re attractive: i’m cute pretty, not drop dead, but i’m not hard to look at either.
— Think you’re a health freak: no way shape or form, I like to be my own boss too much to follow others rules. when it comes to food(old answer from 2004) New answer: Yes I have learned over the years that I need to take care of my body and that means not loading it up with junk all the time (in moderation)
— Get along with your parent(s): Sometimes depending on how much time we spend together
— Like thunderstorms: I love thunderstorms, used to watch them all the time when I was younger.
— Play an instrument: piano (basic), clarinet (2yrs), guitar (would like to learn), drums(desperately would love to learn) and sing.

LAYER SIX: In the past month…
— Drank alcohol: Nope not since I turned 30
— Smoked: Nope
— Done a drug: Nope, except for prescription(s)
— Made Out: in my head, yeah. lol. been forever
— Gone on a date: nope
— Gone to the mall?: yes for a job interview and to look around.
— Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: never too sweet!!!
— Eaten sushi: never tried, would like to
— Been on stage: nope
— Been dumped: hard to be dumped when you haven’t dated anyone in forever
— Gone skating: not in years
— Made homemade cookies: nope
— Gone skinny dipping: swimming yes, without clothes no.
— Dyed your hair: not this month, highlights only on this pretty head
— Stolen Anything: a song title for my blog entry. I credited them though.

LAYER SEVEN: Ever…
— Played a game that required removal of clothing: a couple of times
— If so, was it mixed company: yep but private company me and my boy toy of the moment.
— Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: once and me and tequilla are really good friends.
— Been caught “doing something”: “something”? several times, note to self do not make out at a party
— Been called a tease: often, in the old days not since 1999
— Gotten beaten up: Once in grade five, she pulled my hair out and I still have bald spots to prove it since then no I talk them out of it or other people come to my defence and say stuff like try it and we’lll beat u up but that was highschool.
— Shoplifted: I tried to steal M&M’s once got scared because i was being watched, used to”borrow” money from my mom though to buy things I wasn’t allowed.

LAYER EIGHT: 
— Age you hope to be married: I thought I would be married by 25. now I need a man first, then love then marriage isn’t that how it goes.
— Numbers and Names of Children: Ideally I want 2/3 children if I’m not too old when I get married.
— Describe your Dream Wedding: I always thought I would get married on the Island at Bridal Veil Falls then have the reception in my Dad’s backyard or wherever i’m living at the time.
— How do you want to die: having lived, (sorry Joelle) like your answer kept it.
— Where you want to go to college: I’ve been to college for Early Childhood Education, and General Arts & Sciences now I plan on going back for what not sure probably business administration
— What do you want to be when you grow up: alive, happy and healthy
— What country would you most like to visit: I really want to go to Europe, Scotland, Greece, Australia, I just want to see the world.

LAYER NINE:
— Number of drugs taken illegally: None, just been in the room whilst they were being consumed by others
— Number of people I could trust with my life: 5 or 6, even the people I’m not friends with anymore…
— Number of CDs that I own: I own over 200 cd’s, mp3’s that’s another story.
— Number of piercings: just my ears, don’t enjoy enflicting pain on myself so those piercings are enough.
— Number of tattoos: none, read fears in layer 1
— Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: several, was very involved in my hometown community growing up.
— Number of scars on my body: too many, acrewing new ones as we speak.
— Number of things in my past that I regret: Nothing drastically, things that I wish I could have changed tons would I If I had a chance to, Nope they made me what and who I am today.

Thanks and God Bless

Tina Marie

Okay well if you can tell I am talking about the failed prediction of last week, by the way most Christians that I know/follow don’t believe in that theory at all in fact here is my Leader of my church response to May 21st, 2011. ( Borrowed the title from a song done by many artists but I know it from Great Big Sea).

“What a pile of rubbish! Judgment and the end of the world May 21. What hog-wash! Read Matthew 24. People who are not saved or maybe saved, but don’t know their Bibles spread trollop like this and make us look foolish. My advice: live like He would come at any moment . Oh yeh! And if you believe this rubbish please rush over to my house and give me your money before you go :).”  Hazel Hill

So although we don’t know when it will occur with this idea coming up it definitely makes us more conscious of the live we have lived thus far and what changes if any need to be done in the upcoming years to come.

I mainly reflected on how I have treated people.  Have I been following the commandments and decrees set before me am I walking in Love towards those that have hurt me.  I feel that I have some work to do in this area but that I am doing it to the best of my knowledge right now.

Also being reflective it just makes you think what would you do if you knew the time and point at when you would go to be with God.  Would you live your life differently then how you are now, what would you say.  I was thinking about this before from an episode of How I met your Mother called Bad News where someone close them dies and they reflect on their “Last Words”.

What would your last words be?  Mine have always been “I love You”.  My family always makes it a point to say that often sometimes it’s several times a day.  I hear it many times from my mom she says it to me when I go out the door, if I talk on the phone to her when I get home and always before I/she go to bed.   Why because you just never know when the last time will be and you should take every opportunity to let someone know how you feel just in case it’s the last.  So no matter what is going on in our lives or how we feel about each other we always end our conversations with love.

My dad started this, okay it’s always been there but it really became a rule when my ma-mere passed away.  Long story short my dad has been involved in a feud with his sisters for pretty much most of his adult life since his father passed away and they weren’t on speaking terms when my ma-mere got sick.  Instead of honouring her wishes of seeing my father they decided that he didn’t deserve to be there and although she lived for 2 weeks in intensive care my father didn’t get to say good bye to her or that he loved her, so now he makes it a point and we all do to say how we feel, even if we are not really feeling like it at the time.

Anyways this week teaches us that we don’t know when our time is up and no matter what your beliefs are you can’t get this life back.  Once this life is over, it’s over so what do you want your life to be about, what’s your legacy for this world.

I am beginning to realize that I have wasted a lot of my life on useless things and realize that it’s not all about me and so my next part of my life is going to be less about me and more about others.

I have a real drive for issues involving poverty, I just don’t feel like it should be an issue in this day and time that people should not be living in the conditions that they do when there are so many riches in this world.  So I want to devote more time to that once I am back in a position that I can do more.

Also being a Christian I want to do more to share my faith because I believe and you might not share this belief that there is one God and when we die if were saved we go to be with Him and if not well you go somewhere else and I want people to know this more.  So I have decided to be more open with my faith and the first step is me blogging about it.  I have begun to show my faith on Facebook  and now I will be starting at least once a week or so talking about issues of faith with my readers.

The other thing that I have decided I want to do is be more open and less afraid so that means going public, first step to this is posting my updates on Facebook and showing my face.  There are two reasons for this one because I may help people in my circle if I would be less afraid of what they think and two because in order for me to be successful in some of my ideas for my life I need to be seen and have an identity online.  So right now I am still blogging for me but more and more people are reading it and I think it’s good if they know and can see who they are reading about.  Who knows where it can lead.   This is my ministry and I intend on using it to all of it’s abilities.

Okay so that’s my view on the end of the world.. It didn’t happen so we can go on living, hopefully more conscious of how we are living it and what we want our life to be about.

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie.

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