stay tuned this is a woman on the move who is tired of living a life of excuses and is going to do something about it, whatever it takes (nothing that breaks my moral code of course) My life, my struggles to get out of debt, getting healthy and not knowing what's next. trying to figure it all out. anyway I can

Posts tagged ‘Christian’

Fall Back and Change..

Okay so I hadn’t realized how long it’s been since I posted on here and I know if you’ve been following me and my journey.

I have a tendency to drop off the radar for months at a time and make promises to myself about being more consistent in my blogging well here we go again.

It’s been 4 months since I blogged anything of real information about my life and what I’ve been doing with it well that is going to change..  You see I made the mistake no not really a mistake the decision to hand out my business card with my blog address on it.   When I made them I was using them as my mini resume so they have tons of crowded information..   Maybe no one will read it,  but just in case some of the beautiful ladies I told about me (and my lovely journey) will like to see something up to date.

So here it is we fell back today you know got our extra hour of sleep, well some of us did.  I didn’t my body still thinks it’s yesterday and I got my 7 hrs so instead of playing a game or surfing the internet I have all this information and words that needs to get out so I figured I would get them out here before my head explodes.

Just a point form update for now and we’ll do more in-depth analysis on the last couple of months in the upcoming week.  Ready Set Go..

*Still working (yeah for me my year and a half anniversary is next month on the fourth), I have my first review for a raise and promotion(praying) next week.

*Still living in the same apartment (trying to change that circumstances require, more on that later this week)

* Still in debt but I’m making headway there meaning it’s going down slowly but surely.

*Still overweight but I’m still down the 40lbs I lost last year I only gain 5 pounds give or take.

*Still on Isagenix, love it had to not cleanse due to being on Antibiotics and steroids(asthma) for a month or so, can’t wait till November 6th to get back to it.

*Still not exercising bought myself an xbox in January was using it pretty steady then summer hit and my apartment became an oven, work got busy, (life got in the way), I got sick (starting making excuses) and I stopped now it’s freezing so perfect for workout sessions so I’m getting back into that this month.   I’m loving how I’m feeling without the extra weight so If I can lose what I’ve lost without any major exercise then holy cow what will I achieve with it.

*Still have my kitty and she is so “Precious” (that’s sarcasm) more on her antics this week.  I promise I will not blog about her on a regular basis.. I love her, but she is not the focus of this blog, “I AM”.

*Still a Christian attending church regularly and if certain people in my circle get their wish, soon to be attending French services on Sunday morning, because were determined to get my French back and I’m almost there.. I’m starting to understand more fluently, just have to get up the courage to speak it more openly.

I love my church, so much so that I am now in charge of the “web presence” for it and look after Facebook  posting to radio stations about events, and soon twitter and when I get a Mac(apple)  the actual web page.  I also am the unofficial executive administrative assistant” (don’t get paid) do the minutes for our leadership meetings and am in leadership training.

*I’m working on growing my business finally, after many starts and stops.  First official step towards that happened this weekend.. I was always sharing my business with people but I wasn’t actively working on it.  It was more like a pray and see kinda thing..  Now it’s not ..  I invested in the women’s show in my town and it was a great experience I am totally comfortable now in sharing our products and ready to change lots of people lives for the good…

*Finally I have an opportunity coming up to share a special occasion with people that I love and who have been so instrumental in the person I’ve grown into in the past 2 years.   More on that this week as well..  lets just put it this way I’m so excited..

So in finishing as you can see a lot of exciting things on the horizon it can only get better from here for me.  For other people in my inner circle well lets just say (without going to details and a big reason as to why I stopped blogging),  so much of my life I was afraid to share in the fear of who would be reading you know the people I know “in real life”.  but I’m tired of closing myself off if I need to share I’m going to share if I don’t want my “in real life”  friends and family to know what I’m talking about I’ll just make the post private..   This is my outlet to get my pent up emotions and feelings out shutting down the writer in me is not good for my spirit or my body.. I need to do this not only for who maybe reading, but for myself.

So once again I am back for how long and for how consistent I don’t know but I’m going to do my best to keep consistent and keep this thing more regular just in case my words are encouraging you in your own journey..

Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie

*MORE TO COME!!

I’m a Mom!!

One of the reasons I disappeared from the radar besides well honestly lack of desire to blog.

Not because I didn’t have tons to share just with the job I’m doing I’m brain fried on most days after work and the idea of sitting at the computer and coming up with words of what and how my life was progressing just seemed to daunting.   So in typical “Tina Marie” fashion I avoided and delayed and procrastinated till it just seem like too daunting of a task to become a daily blogger again.

Which I have never professed to be,  anyways I miss it.   I miss expressing myself using my words even if only one person is reading it a day, it’s not about my audience it’s about getting my thoughts, feelings and emotions out of my brain so that it clears up space for more productive things like life.

Okay so what’s been happening well contract was extended again to end of November and hopefully by mid November I find out if I’m extended to end of January.   Which it is 85% certain it will be and probably longer which would suit me fine.   The longer that I have stable employment the likelier that my next plan of action can be put into place.

Okay so the title what’s that all about well about a month ago my mom came home from a trip from visiting friends with a little surprise.   I was not overjoyed at this surprise as we had discussed on several occasions that I didn’t want the responsibility, nor did I think that I could handle the responsibility.   So we had put on the back burner the idea of adding any other additional members to our family till we became more stable financially and till we had a bigger house and not an apartment.

Well what could you do when your mom tells you this heartbreaking story about how this little furball was caught up in a fishing net up to her neck in the cold wet outdoors and that if she didn’t rescue it and take her home she would have surely died a horrible death at the exposure of the elements and not being able to protect herself.

So now I am a proud “mommy” to a furchild kitten Precious Princess ( not my choice, mom named her as she was a “Precious gift from God”, so the name stays) I call her “P” when mom isn’t looking lol.    She was 6 weeks old when mom found her ( we think) so she’s 2 months now.

Well I could make this whole entry about her and all her antics,  but I will not be turning this blog into to the Precious blog.   Her daily exploits lets just say as much as she has brought joy she has some personality quirks that are little exasperating at the moment..  Like she has an issue with biting and scratching, she thinks she is playing but it hurts and my hands look I’ve been in attack,  full of scratches.

She has also given me something that I know I’ve been lacking and that something to nurture and love I forgot how much I missed having a pet, especially a cat.. I love it and so glad mom brought her home..  Okay enough about her back to me.

So that’s what’s going on, on the work front, on the rest of the fronts in my personal life well it’s been a bit of a roller coaster.  Lots of personal stuff that I’m not at liberty to share but I hate when my family members are in pain and there is nothing you can do for them but be there.  So I’ve had to deal with that which has been hard to see this family member go through what they are going through and not being able to fix it and no that I can’t that it’s a journey they have to go through on their own.

So yeah I have a lot on my plate right now and some of it I want gone and am doing something about it.

Starting with well as well as blogging break that was both self imposed and unplanned.  I also did a fast from TV, Twitter and Movies for a month Twitter for 4o days I just felt I need that break and it was a way to get clarity.  I allowed myself to watch Masterchef and Xfactor during that time period but nothing like Drama’s or Prime Time TV.. I did break it a couple of times when I went to the movies on my friends bday and when I watched movies w/Dad when he came to town but for the most part I stuck to it.    You would think that would leave me more time for reading but I don’t know lately reading is like torture to me I can’t get into it which is really strange when you consider I used to read like 3 books, 5 magazines a week on top of email and blogs.   So it’s a little strange to lose my first love..   I’m determined to get it back because I have a ton of great things to read, including my friends neglected blogs I feel disconnected with not reading their blogs and talking on twitter I have no idea what’s going on in their lives and now I have to start to reconnect again and hope it’s not to late.

So if I haven’t been reading or watching TV what the heck have I been doing well I have been socializing more by getting out I went to a great conference at the end of September which I plan on doing a couple blogs about.  I’ve been visiting and getting out more mainly with my Dad who I have been building a better relationship with.  Also doing a lot of talking w/mom.  I’m attending bible study and church on a regular basis.  I’m just becoming more rounded instead of living in my room.. Also confession time I have spent whole evenings just watching my kitten and her antics and playing with her.  I’ve also rediscovered my other passion Game playing, back to playing my Hidden Object/Adventure Games.

So life is pretty full, but it’s still not productive so in November I’m starting to do something I haven’t done in a while because I stepped on a scale and am proud that just by doing Isagenix and changing my eating habits that I have managed to lose 33 pounds since January but I know that I could have done better and showed it more if I had put an exercise plan into this as well so I’m going to start exercising.. I have all the things I need to do it a balance ball, a set of weights and two feet and a heartbeat.  So I should be able to get something accomplished with that.

I did also have to take a break from Isagenix, the one thing about my job is yes I’m working and yes I’m making money but it’s not enough that I can afford to take a trip for a weekend and do Isagenix so I made a choice in September to not get my Isagenix so I could go on this amazing conference So I was without Isagenix for almost two months and man did I feel it.. I was sluggish and pigging out on so many inappropriate foods like chip and eating pizza, chicken fingers & wedges (homemade) but still I was not on track  I tried to stay healthy but gave into my cravings on more then one occasion.   I was so afraid to get on the scale because I was sure with my lack of exercise and eating junk that I would have surely gained a lot of weight back but I was pleasantly surprised to only have gained 3pds.  So now I’m back on my cleanse I’m on day 5 of 30 and am going to put my health first from now on.   As always I’ll keep you in the loop as to what my progress is.. I’m going to do something else I haven’t done in over 15 years I’m going to have a scale in my house and hope that I don’t become overly obsessed with the number on the stupid thing.   So that’s my health update.

I have a big birthday coming up and I’m too late to do a list of things I would like to accomplish by it that would be just setting myself up for defeat I am proud of some of the things I have accomplished this year.  I know I’ve grown, and I know that some people think that I’m stunted in my growth with not being involved in a relationship, or have a house, or kids, heck even a license at my age oh and sharing an apartment with my mom.  I’m coming to realize that where I am in life is where I need to be right now as I heal and grow and when I am ready for all those other steps I will be doing it with a healthy mindset, I can’t wait for what comes next..  I’m turning 35 but I feel like it’s a rebirth of Tina Marie and that this next year will be my best yet, now that I have the tools in place to accomplish and become the Tina Marie that God’s sees that I can be.  So in summary, by my birthday or the beginning of the year whatever comes first I hope to  have these things done or started.  It’s not a 35 by 35 list but it’s things I think are manageable and won’t set me up for failure.

Things to do by Jan 2012:

  • Start an exercise program where I’m exercising 3x a week, I’ve said it in the past and I haven’t followed through with it but I will keep putting the intent out there and one day it will happen hopefully this is the month.
  • Continue with Isagenix and my healthy eating program w/ Vitamins and proper sleep
  • Get finances in order by getting “Clean Slate” by getting a Consolidation Loan now that I have been employed for 6+months ( will wipe the slate clean and give me a lower interest/1 payment which is the amount I’m paying on all payments and make a difference in my debt amounts.
  • Continue with growing my relationships around me, reconnect with my estranged family members and start contact them regularly.
  • Get contract extended. (Learn when it’s time to move on)
  • Start reading more starting with the books I borrowed “The Help”.
  • Blog more (notice didn’t put a frequency in)
  • Start de-cluttering room by getting rid of 10 things a week or more.
  • Start painting again (bought all the supplies on my trip)
  • Go back to silent sundays or 1 day a week w/no tech and no noise(music, podcasts, tv)
One more thing in case your curious that number I saw on the scale was 165lbs to put that into perspective this time last year I weighed 197lbs.  So I am pleased and am going to keep on keeping on.
Thank you and God Bless
Tina Marie.
Oh here’s a picture of Precious

It’s the End of the World As We Know It!!

Okay well if you can tell I am talking about the failed prediction of last week, by the way most Christians that I know/follow don’t believe in that theory at all in fact here is my Leader of my church response to May 21st, 2011. ( Borrowed the title from a song done by many artists but I know it from Great Big Sea).

“What a pile of rubbish! Judgment and the end of the world May 21. What hog-wash! Read Matthew 24. People who are not saved or maybe saved, but don’t know their Bibles spread trollop like this and make us look foolish. My advice: live like He would come at any moment . Oh yeh! And if you believe this rubbish please rush over to my house and give me your money before you go :).”  Hazel Hill

So although we don’t know when it will occur with this idea coming up it definitely makes us more conscious of the live we have lived thus far and what changes if any need to be done in the upcoming years to come.

I mainly reflected on how I have treated people.  Have I been following the commandments and decrees set before me am I walking in Love towards those that have hurt me.  I feel that I have some work to do in this area but that I am doing it to the best of my knowledge right now.

Also being reflective it just makes you think what would you do if you knew the time and point at when you would go to be with God.  Would you live your life differently then how you are now, what would you say.  I was thinking about this before from an episode of How I met your Mother called Bad News where someone close them dies and they reflect on their “Last Words”.

What would your last words be?  Mine have always been “I love You”.  My family always makes it a point to say that often sometimes it’s several times a day.  I hear it many times from my mom she says it to me when I go out the door, if I talk on the phone to her when I get home and always before I/she go to bed.   Why because you just never know when the last time will be and you should take every opportunity to let someone know how you feel just in case it’s the last.  So no matter what is going on in our lives or how we feel about each other we always end our conversations with love.

My dad started this, okay it’s always been there but it really became a rule when my ma-mere passed away.  Long story short my dad has been involved in a feud with his sisters for pretty much most of his adult life since his father passed away and they weren’t on speaking terms when my ma-mere got sick.  Instead of honouring her wishes of seeing my father they decided that he didn’t deserve to be there and although she lived for 2 weeks in intensive care my father didn’t get to say good bye to her or that he loved her, so now he makes it a point and we all do to say how we feel, even if we are not really feeling like it at the time.

Anyways this week teaches us that we don’t know when our time is up and no matter what your beliefs are you can’t get this life back.  Once this life is over, it’s over so what do you want your life to be about, what’s your legacy for this world.

I am beginning to realize that I have wasted a lot of my life on useless things and realize that it’s not all about me and so my next part of my life is going to be less about me and more about others.

I have a real drive for issues involving poverty, I just don’t feel like it should be an issue in this day and time that people should not be living in the conditions that they do when there are so many riches in this world.  So I want to devote more time to that once I am back in a position that I can do more.

Also being a Christian I want to do more to share my faith because I believe and you might not share this belief that there is one God and when we die if were saved we go to be with Him and if not well you go somewhere else and I want people to know this more.  So I have decided to be more open with my faith and the first step is me blogging about it.  I have begun to show my faith on Facebook  and now I will be starting at least once a week or so talking about issues of faith with my readers.

The other thing that I have decided I want to do is be more open and less afraid so that means going public, first step to this is posting my updates on Facebook and showing my face.  There are two reasons for this one because I may help people in my circle if I would be less afraid of what they think and two because in order for me to be successful in some of my ideas for my life I need to be seen and have an identity online.  So right now I am still blogging for me but more and more people are reading it and I think it’s good if they know and can see who they are reading about.  Who knows where it can lead.   This is my ministry and I intend on using it to all of it’s abilities.

Okay so that’s my view on the end of the world.. It didn’t happen so we can go on living, hopefully more conscious of how we are living it and what we want our life to be about.

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie.

Spring cleaning has begun..

Another great weekend got a lot accomplished still more to do, purging the past is very cathartic needed to do time to move on into my future. Cleaned out my closet, got rid a ton of old papers and letters and stuff. tomorrow task is my shelves.  I forgot to take a before pic of my closet or the ensuing disaster that occurred when I emptied all the contents of the closet into the room.   I could show the after I guess.

That’s how I clean I empty the object in it’s entirety then I sort then, I purge, yep I watched a lot of home organization shows.  You won’t see me on hoarders.  Clutter Anonymous maybe but not hoarders, I have no space for my stuff and mom’s well she has the rest of the apartment lol.  She wants me though to move my books into the living room.  Because well they are Christian living books from this decade.  Hers not so much think 70’s and 80’s.   Wants our guests to think were up to date.  ( what guests, I’m not sure mom and I aren’t very social, like our space)

Starting on Day 20 tomorrow of cleanse, I say that because well I cheated tonight, wanted chips had crackers oh well new day tomorrow, not going to beat myself up over some crackers and tuna. teach me to wait so late to eat, oh that and denying a craving.  If you want something eat it in small quantities better then trying to find a substitute as I did.  I wanted chips should have just had chips.

A lot of great stuff is happening and no longer have fear as to what is next. Bring it on I’m ready.

I am still dealing with my emotions over someone close to me life imploding around them, but unfortunately bringing myself down with them won’t help me especially since I’m helpless and can do nothing but support them through it and show them that there is and will be some good of this.  I have to hold onto that belief.

My life is on the upswing well somewhat financially anyways.  I have had some great turns of events in some areas I ended up getting a portion of my income tax return back,  ( I haven’t got any $ from income tax for over 5 years they have been taking it for defaulted Student Loan even though I was making regular payments) so this was huge it shows me how close I am to being finished.  I won’t end up with as small as a debt owing as I would like but this money, right now is great timing.  I made $200 on my side job well I earned it, it hasn’t been paid yet but it will be by end of month or 1st week of April.  Found out my E.I. is being paid a little longer then I expected which means a little more breathing room to get a JOB!!.  and more money coming so no stresses about paying rent and all the bills are being paid (not in full yet, but they are getting money on them)(my bills, not mom’s) and we can use Mom’s income tax for something fun like this amazing conference at the end of April for my Church.. It’s a women’s conference and it’s being held here.  www.deerhurstresort.com.

Yes I know, and she knows we should/can be doing other things with the money but this is Mom’s treat to me and she feels I need this to recharge my batteries before I get back into the grind of the working world again.

Some people might disagree with her thought processes considering that I have been on several trips this year, but this year at times has been more stressful then working at a job, not knowing, not being healthy all the time and just the constant rejection and defeat that has happened.  My self esteem till as of late was in the dumps and at points I did sink into a depression.  So this trip is to be my launching pad into my new life of being employed and not to sound cheesy becoming the me I am supposed to be.

Looking really forward to it besides where it is being held there is going to be a Princess Ball where we get to get dressed up in ball gowns and eat great food and possibly win some great prizes and just be in the companionship of some really great women.

Start my online courses again going to keep on top of my skills and try to learn some new ones.  Best part it’s free, got them when I applied for a employment agency.  Didn’t get the job but I got access to all these great courses don’t give you any credits but it will give me knowledge so that’s great.

So yep another busy week between cleaning, courses, job search and life.  I’m a busy gal and that’s okay with me.

I’m going to learn to schedule posts for the weekend.  Lots going on in this little head. don’t know if it’s because of this past week or that finally the fog is lifting.  Whatever it is I like it and I can live with this kind of momentum if it means things are changing.  I’m tired of standing still.

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie.

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