Could it be things are turning around.. Hallejulah

Oops I’ve gone and done the disappearing thing again.. Okay I am alive and I am here I don’t really know why I haven’t been blogging.  I won’t make any promises but well here’s an update to what’s been going on in my tiny little world.

Feels likes I have a new wardrobe since starting in this placement now that I am back to wearing my professional clothes. There are pros and cons to every situation now I am wearing my pro clothes I now need new clothes due to all the lbs I’ve lost, loving this new placement hope it turns into something more long term. I work in an office doing data entry/review and I get to spend the day with great people listening to music/podcasts all day woo hoo.. God is working, always has been.. just needed to be reminded.

I have been there now a little over a week and a bit and scheduled to be there for another 9weeks, start praying.. Anyways I am doing data entry in the morning and in the afternoon I have been assigned okay I volunteered to do the Data Entry Training Manual for the program and processes that we use. So far I started it on Tuesday afternoon and I have a 8220words and 32page manual and I am not done.. Guess I really am a writer, I submitted my rough copy to my supervisor on Friday for comments and corrections.. A little nervous still a lot left to do figure I should have it done by next week on Fri.   ( Was informed by supervisor that this is a daily thing over my entire term there so there is no actual due date, that takes the pressure off, mind you I was kind of looking forward to a new project)
The other part of my job playing on Google/internet looking for research relevant to what my office offers. Due to confidentiality can’t publish here.

There are rumblings of possibly extending my placement but won’t find out till this one is done or near completion if that were to happen it could possibly last till November or longer.  We will see I am holding out hope for that but if not then the next door will open for a new possibility.

So yeah this week was awesome we raise money for a different organization every month and this month is the Genevra house a women’s/children shelter here in town and we do this by paying for dress-down days on fridays and this week on Tuesday we had Desserts for a Cause where we could pay different amounts of money and get some desserts.

The manager of the office well she used to be a caterer/baker so she has talents coming out of her ying yang, she made a dessert buffet and from there you picked the number of pieces you purchased.
She made so many good things I’ll name some to make you salivate a little. Raspberry Oatmeal Squares; Blueberry Cheesecake, Buttertart Squares, Banana Bread, Chocolate Chip cookies, Peanut butter Cookies, Peanut Butter Mouse Cake with a Brownie bottom; Praline cheesecake, Apple Crumb tartlets, mini sugar pies, sucre de la creme; yummy want some more just from listing it.

Another cool thing that has happened is that well my supervisor was working from home she made me the lead of the team for the day and has said I will be in charge of the team when she’s not there.  Yikes only a week and someone is trying to shove me into leadership.. FYI I am terrified of the responsibility of being a leader, I know I can do it just don’t want to, but every time I turn around someone wants me in that role.  So yeah I totally feel in my element at work and now that has been sorted for a bit I can start to concentrate on other aspects of my life.

Like well getting my health back on track.  July 2nd I will be going back to my life of cleansing using my Isagenix System I now have the products needed to do that and after seeing what I saw when I went window shopping with my co worker I even more determined to get down to my goal weight and I figure I have another40lbs to go (according to the BMI scale) or so I will see at different stages how I look.  Well I have been unsuccessful in procuring my before picture from my friend hence the delay but I promise one is coming as well as an after.

I know that I have lost at least 20lbs possibly 30 I have gone done 3 sizes.  ( Would probably be more if I would add more exercise to my schedule besides walking).  It felt amazing window shopping this time around. A coworker who gives me a ride home decided that she needed new pants and since I needed to pick up some stuff and haven’t been to the mall in ages I followed her to the store.  Glad I did it gave me the encouragement I needed I knew I was losing weight because of my wardrobe at home but I had no idea how much till I started trying on clothes in the store.  I started with my (old) size and it was just hanging on me then I went down a size and a another and a another till I was standing there in a size M and a size 12.  I was amazed and kept falling in love with everything I tried on so I think once the bills are in order I am going to treat myself to one knock out piece as a celebration to my new size/job.  Won’t go crazy because I plan on losing more weight so there’s no use buying a new wardrobe I’ll just shop value village for a bit till I get at the weight I wanna be.

I am still flying from that revelation and pumped into becoming who I was meant to be.  I used to be small then I allowed life and my emotions to take over when I was in high school in Grade 12 I was a size 7/9 then in college I started stuffing my emotions (stress, fear, loneliness, exhaustion etc)  and ballooned up and it just continued to get higher and higher.  I started this journey for my health and strictly so but I would be lying if I didn’t want to be attractive to the opposite sex.  I used to be afraid of that attention and hence I blanketed myself with fat but now I am ready to shed that part of me and become the me I am supposed to be showing the world.(who I see inside my head)    I would like to meet someone and get married and I am not going to do that with the me that I was because that me was hiding herself away inside herself.  Now I am open to all possibilities and can only see the best for my future.

Okay oops getting hokey I know that I used my fat as a shield to keep me from being looked at and I am not saying that being heavier I wouldn’t be attractive.  To me though I was not attractive because I put up this huge wall saying I was not open to the possibilities of love or friendship, move on nothing to see here kind of mentality.

Okay this is getting too deep for an update thinking I may discuss this more in depth in another post.

So that’s what’s happened since we chatted now onto the fun stuff the finances.

Well in a nutshell my finances suck,  I have gotten a little behind and am now starting the process of digging myself out of this past year and getting back to where I was before this whole unemployment journey started I will go back to living within in my means and getting out of debt.  The way my paycheques work I get paid weekly and they are a week behind so I work this week but don’t get paid for till next week kind of thing which I love because that means I can pay bills every week which makes them happy.

So the idea is that I will use 3 of the 4 cheques to pay bills and my last one will be for rent, I figure if I am strict like that for the next two months I will start to get back on the right track and when I get the next contract at their rate of pay and not the agencies I will be able to really get into paying down my debt.. Right now the focus is just getting back to regular payments and stop being behind.

I am still seriously considering consolidating it would help me by giving me only one payment/lower interest and it would look really great when I go buy a house I think because my old debts would be cleared up and make it look like I have more credit.  I don’t know I sometimes feel like it’s the easier way out like that would be cheating, but the circumstance from the past year have made me think I need to do something.  Because at the rate I am going paying minimum payments it will take forever to get out of debt.

I am planning on getting a car next year if the finances pan out.  I have been offered a 2008 vehicle for $5000 grand for March 2012 and that would be a good first vehicle for me.  FYI I have never owned a vehicle in fact as of right now I am not even fully licensed so this would be a step towards adulthood (which would be great considering I turn 35 in Dec).  I would park it the majority of the time it would just be nice to have an asset and some more independence oh and the freedom to go places like visiting my bro and his kids, oh and Toronto.  Just another thought bubble that’s a way off.

Okay I am rambling but I figured since you haven’t heard from me in a bit you would put up with it.  There will be more regular posting this week.  Don’t worry I’ll keep you in the loop..

Hope everyone had a great week, Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie.

More possibilities around the corner

Okay I know, I am beginning to sound like a broken record but I have to remain in this mindset or I will not be able to believe that things are going to change.  So here I go again on what seems like the never ending hunt for a job.

This week was a pretty productive week I had a face to face interview for manager trainee at a clothing store  in a mall, yeah I don’t really want to do retail but you know what I am beginning to realize to borrow a line from the Rolling Stones ” You don’t always get what you want, you get what you need”.  So I am putting myself for all positions above and below and believing that God is working on the situation and that his timing is perfect.

That there is the job out there that I am meant to do for this season and right now getting the perfect job is always in the back of the head and I know it will happen.  It just might not happen right at this very minute, but that everything may be lining up for something to happen down the line.

So face to face went well and I was supposed to find out today and I am guessing from the lack of  a phone call that I didn’t get that.  Oh well, next.

Then I had a pre-screen interview (an interview before the face to face/to weed you out) over the phone with another great opportunity that would allow me to learn more about the way that financial planning works without the added pressure of actually having to reach quotas or targets.  As I would be the receptionist at this company and have the opportunity to receive additional training/certificates in the services that they offer.  It went really well but I won’t find out for another 2 weeks if I even qualify for a face to face interview and then another week before I find out if I got a job.  3 weeks is to long to wait so that opportunity is on the back burner.  Not closing the door to it, but not waiting around for it either.

So I did that normal routine of job search, but I decided to contact some old contacts and see what options they might have for me.  Have an appointment with my former employer counselor next week to see if she can help me.

I also heard back from my new employment agency that I was hired at a couple of weeks ago, she wanted to know if I would be interested in a temp position for a month or more at two offices and of course because I am remaining open to all possibilities I told her to go ahead.  Even if it is only for a month it will bring some money in to pay the bills because as of right now we are living off of mom’s money because I have not had a pay check since March.  Also the way I am looking at it is I can get my foot in the door to either of these organizations who knows where that might lead.

So as you can see many possibilities and until I am told otherwise I have a good feeling about these ones.  There is also the long shot still of hearing back from the census and working there for 3months they told me I might not hear till end of month and there are still a lot of days left in this month, so there is that hope.

I am just trying really hard to remain hopeful/positive about my circumstances.  I have over and over again stated that if I don’t have a job by X then I am just going to go get a minimum wage job, but every time I say that I get a phone call of hope around the corner so if I don’t hear anything from my placement agency on whether I got a temp placement by next week then minimum it is.

So that is the professional front, now onto the other fun part of my life my health or more clearly my weight/cleanse.

Unfortunately due to finances I had to stop the cleanse for the time being till I have the money to continue on the system which sucks because I was really starting to notice a difference.  You can definitely see a difference in my body.  I have been trying on my summer clothes and yeah things fit looser, or just fit better and it’s a great feeling.  I also started to exercise more regularly my next door neighbor “M” and I have been going for walks downtown and walking all around the neighborhood.  The only bad thing about that is she walks around and looks at the restaurants and says “we should try that one, and eat there.  Defeating the whole purpose of walking in the first place.

The first day this week we walked all over but stopped and shared a A&W burger and fry.  The second time we walked was for the intention of having crepes at this amazing little cafe.  If we can take the food out of the equation we might actually get somewhere.

It just truly reminds me how out of touch with my body I have gotten.  I used to walk everywhere, heck I used to bike to work at one point.  I just stopped caring and started making excuses, too tired, too busy, no money etc.  Well this year is going to be different I am going to get outside as much as I can and get active, because now that I am doing it I love it and I really don’t want to stop.  That is what the head is saying the body on the other hand is “screaming what the heck are you trying to do to me, kill me”.

I already have war wounds from my endeavors this week my feet are covered in blisters and my legs have been sore since my first walk.  However we are planning on doing this every 2nd day till it gets too hot to walk because we use it to catch up and hang out and to just get outside and enjoy the gorgeous weather and the city we live in.

So tomorrow’s agenda is a resume blitz there is at least 15 jobs that I can apply for.  I no longer look at the no’s as rejection of me but more as that is just another job that wasn’t right for me and God knew so he closed the door.  When you go about life like that it makes it easier to swallow, the realist in me is having an extremely difficult time with this because the facts say that there is only X number of days left in this month and sooner then later my landlord is going to get annoyed with the situation and the bills still need to be paid etc.  I have to stop talking like that because it doesn’t help me, and I am doing all I can to get a job, so I just have to believe that the timing will click.  I have to truly live one day at a time, right now and stop focusing on the “what if’s”, easier said then done.

So thats where things stand right now, my gut is telling me that it’s coming to the end, the struggles, the difficulties etc.  That things will work out.

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie.

My mantra for this month is ” I believe that God is working!!!”