stay tuned this is a woman on the move who is tired of living a life of excuses and is going to do something about it, whatever it takes (nothing that breaks my moral code of course) My life, my struggles to get out of debt, getting healthy and not knowing what's next. trying to figure it all out. anyway I can

Posts tagged ‘God’

Fall Back and Change..

Okay so I hadn’t realized how long it’s been since I posted on here and I know if you’ve been following me and my journey.

I have a tendency to drop off the radar for months at a time and make promises to myself about being more consistent in my blogging well here we go again.

It’s been 4 months since I blogged anything of real information about my life and what I’ve been doing with it well that is going to change..  You see I made the mistake no not really a mistake the decision to hand out my business card with my blog address on it.   When I made them I was using them as my mini resume so they have tons of crowded information..   Maybe no one will read it,  but just in case some of the beautiful ladies I told about me (and my lovely journey) will like to see something up to date.

So here it is we fell back today you know got our extra hour of sleep, well some of us did.  I didn’t my body still thinks it’s yesterday and I got my 7 hrs so instead of playing a game or surfing the internet I have all this information and words that needs to get out so I figured I would get them out here before my head explodes.

Just a point form update for now and we’ll do more in-depth analysis on the last couple of months in the upcoming week.  Ready Set Go..

*Still working (yeah for me my year and a half anniversary is next month on the fourth), I have my first review for a raise and promotion(praying) next week.

*Still living in the same apartment (trying to change that circumstances require, more on that later this week)

* Still in debt but I’m making headway there meaning it’s going down slowly but surely.

*Still overweight but I’m still down the 40lbs I lost last year I only gain 5 pounds give or take.

*Still on Isagenix, love it had to not cleanse due to being on Antibiotics and steroids(asthma) for a month or so, can’t wait till November 6th to get back to it.

*Still not exercising bought myself an xbox in January was using it pretty steady then summer hit and my apartment became an oven, work got busy, (life got in the way), I got sick (starting making excuses) and I stopped now it’s freezing so perfect for workout sessions so I’m getting back into that this month.   I’m loving how I’m feeling without the extra weight so If I can lose what I’ve lost without any major exercise then holy cow what will I achieve with it.

*Still have my kitty and she is so “Precious” (that’s sarcasm) more on her antics this week.  I promise I will not blog about her on a regular basis.. I love her, but she is not the focus of this blog, “I AM”.

*Still a Christian attending church regularly and if certain people in my circle get their wish, soon to be attending French services on Sunday morning, because were determined to get my French back and I’m almost there.. I’m starting to understand more fluently, just have to get up the courage to speak it more openly.

I love my church, so much so that I am now in charge of the “web presence” for it and look after Facebook  posting to radio stations about events, and soon twitter and when I get a Mac(apple)  the actual web page.  I also am the unofficial executive administrative assistant” (don’t get paid) do the minutes for our leadership meetings and am in leadership training.

*I’m working on growing my business finally, after many starts and stops.  First official step towards that happened this weekend.. I was always sharing my business with people but I wasn’t actively working on it.  It was more like a pray and see kinda thing..  Now it’s not ..  I invested in the women’s show in my town and it was a great experience I am totally comfortable now in sharing our products and ready to change lots of people lives for the good…

*Finally I have an opportunity coming up to share a special occasion with people that I love and who have been so instrumental in the person I’ve grown into in the past 2 years.   More on that this week as well..  lets just put it this way I’m so excited..

So in finishing as you can see a lot of exciting things on the horizon it can only get better from here for me.  For other people in my inner circle well lets just say (without going to details and a big reason as to why I stopped blogging),  so much of my life I was afraid to share in the fear of who would be reading you know the people I know “in real life”.  but I’m tired of closing myself off if I need to share I’m going to share if I don’t want my “in real life”  friends and family to know what I’m talking about I’ll just make the post private..   This is my outlet to get my pent up emotions and feelings out shutting down the writer in me is not good for my spirit or my body.. I need to do this not only for who maybe reading, but for myself.

So once again I am back for how long and for how consistent I don’t know but I’m going to do my best to keep consistent and keep this thing more regular just in case my words are encouraging you in your own journey..

Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie

*MORE TO COME!!

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“PRICE TAG”

If you’re not being treated with love and respect, check your “Price Tag”. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It is YOU who tells people your worth by what you accept. Get off the ‘Clearance Rack’ and get behind the glass where they keep all the VALUABLES. Bottom line is…VALUE yourself more! Re-post if you like..you might help someone get off the CLEARANCE RACK.

 

One of my fav’s that I’ve read.. Yep if you guessed I’m getting back on the blogging train I’ve missed it and I feel it is time to end my sabbatical and get back in the blogosphere so sometime this week expect a really long overdue update as to what’s been going on in Tina Marie’s life and mind.. Missed you all, well the one person that reads me..

 

Take Care and God Bless..

Tina Marie.

And so the Gutting begins..

Okay, so I have 4 more days off and so far it’s been great I have had some really great meals w/friends and family, spent some great quality time with my parents. and am now in the phase I would like to call “gutting my room” Yesterday started with organizing my hope chest which really I should just call my “craft chest” because that’s what’s in there. But today is the hard yards organizing my closet and my bookshelves, it’s going to be tough to not let sentimentality come into play but it needs to be done there is no room in my closet for anything. It’s time to get rid of the things holding me back no use keeping clothes I’m never going to fit in again because I’m never going to be 200lbs again ever.. and thanks to the product that I’ve been consistently taking I’m going to be able to get to my goal weight this year. 40lbs to go. God is working, has been all the time.. Bring on 2012 this is going to be the best year yet.. can’t wait so excited for it.

Take care and God Bless

Tina Marie

I’m a Mom!!

One of the reasons I disappeared from the radar besides well honestly lack of desire to blog.

Not because I didn’t have tons to share just with the job I’m doing I’m brain fried on most days after work and the idea of sitting at the computer and coming up with words of what and how my life was progressing just seemed to daunting.   So in typical “Tina Marie” fashion I avoided and delayed and procrastinated till it just seem like too daunting of a task to become a daily blogger again.

Which I have never professed to be,  anyways I miss it.   I miss expressing myself using my words even if only one person is reading it a day, it’s not about my audience it’s about getting my thoughts, feelings and emotions out of my brain so that it clears up space for more productive things like life.

Okay so what’s been happening well contract was extended again to end of November and hopefully by mid November I find out if I’m extended to end of January.   Which it is 85% certain it will be and probably longer which would suit me fine.   The longer that I have stable employment the likelier that my next plan of action can be put into place.

Okay so the title what’s that all about well about a month ago my mom came home from a trip from visiting friends with a little surprise.   I was not overjoyed at this surprise as we had discussed on several occasions that I didn’t want the responsibility, nor did I think that I could handle the responsibility.   So we had put on the back burner the idea of adding any other additional members to our family till we became more stable financially and till we had a bigger house and not an apartment.

Well what could you do when your mom tells you this heartbreaking story about how this little furball was caught up in a fishing net up to her neck in the cold wet outdoors and that if she didn’t rescue it and take her home she would have surely died a horrible death at the exposure of the elements and not being able to protect herself.

So now I am a proud “mommy” to a furchild kitten Precious Princess ( not my choice, mom named her as she was a “Precious gift from God”, so the name stays) I call her “P” when mom isn’t looking lol.    She was 6 weeks old when mom found her ( we think) so she’s 2 months now.

Well I could make this whole entry about her and all her antics,  but I will not be turning this blog into to the Precious blog.   Her daily exploits lets just say as much as she has brought joy she has some personality quirks that are little exasperating at the moment..  Like she has an issue with biting and scratching, she thinks she is playing but it hurts and my hands look I’ve been in attack,  full of scratches.

She has also given me something that I know I’ve been lacking and that something to nurture and love I forgot how much I missed having a pet, especially a cat.. I love it and so glad mom brought her home..  Okay enough about her back to me.

So that’s what’s going on, on the work front, on the rest of the fronts in my personal life well it’s been a bit of a roller coaster.  Lots of personal stuff that I’m not at liberty to share but I hate when my family members are in pain and there is nothing you can do for them but be there.  So I’ve had to deal with that which has been hard to see this family member go through what they are going through and not being able to fix it and no that I can’t that it’s a journey they have to go through on their own.

So yeah I have a lot on my plate right now and some of it I want gone and am doing something about it.

Starting with well as well as blogging break that was both self imposed and unplanned.  I also did a fast from TV, Twitter and Movies for a month Twitter for 4o days I just felt I need that break and it was a way to get clarity.  I allowed myself to watch Masterchef and Xfactor during that time period but nothing like Drama’s or Prime Time TV.. I did break it a couple of times when I went to the movies on my friends bday and when I watched movies w/Dad when he came to town but for the most part I stuck to it.    You would think that would leave me more time for reading but I don’t know lately reading is like torture to me I can’t get into it which is really strange when you consider I used to read like 3 books, 5 magazines a week on top of email and blogs.   So it’s a little strange to lose my first love..   I’m determined to get it back because I have a ton of great things to read, including my friends neglected blogs I feel disconnected with not reading their blogs and talking on twitter I have no idea what’s going on in their lives and now I have to start to reconnect again and hope it’s not to late.

So if I haven’t been reading or watching TV what the heck have I been doing well I have been socializing more by getting out I went to a great conference at the end of September which I plan on doing a couple blogs about.  I’ve been visiting and getting out more mainly with my Dad who I have been building a better relationship with.  Also doing a lot of talking w/mom.  I’m attending bible study and church on a regular basis.  I’m just becoming more rounded instead of living in my room.. Also confession time I have spent whole evenings just watching my kitten and her antics and playing with her.  I’ve also rediscovered my other passion Game playing, back to playing my Hidden Object/Adventure Games.

So life is pretty full, but it’s still not productive so in November I’m starting to do something I haven’t done in a while because I stepped on a scale and am proud that just by doing Isagenix and changing my eating habits that I have managed to lose 33 pounds since January but I know that I could have done better and showed it more if I had put an exercise plan into this as well so I’m going to start exercising.. I have all the things I need to do it a balance ball, a set of weights and two feet and a heartbeat.  So I should be able to get something accomplished with that.

I did also have to take a break from Isagenix, the one thing about my job is yes I’m working and yes I’m making money but it’s not enough that I can afford to take a trip for a weekend and do Isagenix so I made a choice in September to not get my Isagenix so I could go on this amazing conference So I was without Isagenix for almost two months and man did I feel it.. I was sluggish and pigging out on so many inappropriate foods like chip and eating pizza, chicken fingers & wedges (homemade) but still I was not on track  I tried to stay healthy but gave into my cravings on more then one occasion.   I was so afraid to get on the scale because I was sure with my lack of exercise and eating junk that I would have surely gained a lot of weight back but I was pleasantly surprised to only have gained 3pds.  So now I’m back on my cleanse I’m on day 5 of 30 and am going to put my health first from now on.   As always I’ll keep you in the loop as to what my progress is.. I’m going to do something else I haven’t done in over 15 years I’m going to have a scale in my house and hope that I don’t become overly obsessed with the number on the stupid thing.   So that’s my health update.

I have a big birthday coming up and I’m too late to do a list of things I would like to accomplish by it that would be just setting myself up for defeat I am proud of some of the things I have accomplished this year.  I know I’ve grown, and I know that some people think that I’m stunted in my growth with not being involved in a relationship, or have a house, or kids, heck even a license at my age oh and sharing an apartment with my mom.  I’m coming to realize that where I am in life is where I need to be right now as I heal and grow and when I am ready for all those other steps I will be doing it with a healthy mindset, I can’t wait for what comes next..  I’m turning 35 but I feel like it’s a rebirth of Tina Marie and that this next year will be my best yet, now that I have the tools in place to accomplish and become the Tina Marie that God’s sees that I can be.  So in summary, by my birthday or the beginning of the year whatever comes first I hope to  have these things done or started.  It’s not a 35 by 35 list but it’s things I think are manageable and won’t set me up for failure.

Things to do by Jan 2012:

  • Start an exercise program where I’m exercising 3x a week, I’ve said it in the past and I haven’t followed through with it but I will keep putting the intent out there and one day it will happen hopefully this is the month.
  • Continue with Isagenix and my healthy eating program w/ Vitamins and proper sleep
  • Get finances in order by getting “Clean Slate” by getting a Consolidation Loan now that I have been employed for 6+months ( will wipe the slate clean and give me a lower interest/1 payment which is the amount I’m paying on all payments and make a difference in my debt amounts.
  • Continue with growing my relationships around me, reconnect with my estranged family members and start contact them regularly.
  • Get contract extended. (Learn when it’s time to move on)
  • Start reading more starting with the books I borrowed “The Help”.
  • Blog more (notice didn’t put a frequency in)
  • Start de-cluttering room by getting rid of 10 things a week or more.
  • Start painting again (bought all the supplies on my trip)
  • Go back to silent sundays or 1 day a week w/no tech and no noise(music, podcasts, tv)
One more thing in case your curious that number I saw on the scale was 165lbs to put that into perspective this time last year I weighed 197lbs.  So I am pleased and am going to keep on keeping on.
Thank you and God Bless
Tina Marie.
Oh here’s a picture of Precious

Could it be things are turning around.. Hallejulah

Oops I’ve gone and done the disappearing thing again.. Okay I am alive and I am here I don’t really know why I haven’t been blogging.  I won’t make any promises but well here’s an update to what’s been going on in my tiny little world.

Feels likes I have a new wardrobe since starting in this placement now that I am back to wearing my professional clothes. There are pros and cons to every situation now I am wearing my pro clothes I now need new clothes due to all the lbs I’ve lost, loving this new placement hope it turns into something more long term. I work in an office doing data entry/review and I get to spend the day with great people listening to music/podcasts all day woo hoo.. God is working, always has been.. just needed to be reminded.

I have been there now a little over a week and a bit and scheduled to be there for another 9weeks, start praying.. Anyways I am doing data entry in the morning and in the afternoon I have been assigned okay I volunteered to do the Data Entry Training Manual for the program and processes that we use. So far I started it on Tuesday afternoon and I have a 8220words and 32page manual and I am not done.. Guess I really am a writer, I submitted my rough copy to my supervisor on Friday for comments and corrections.. A little nervous still a lot left to do figure I should have it done by next week on Fri.   ( Was informed by supervisor that this is a daily thing over my entire term there so there is no actual due date, that takes the pressure off, mind you I was kind of looking forward to a new project)
The other part of my job playing on Google/internet looking for research relevant to what my office offers. Due to confidentiality can’t publish here.

There are rumblings of possibly extending my placement but won’t find out till this one is done or near completion if that were to happen it could possibly last till November or longer.  We will see I am holding out hope for that but if not then the next door will open for a new possibility.

So yeah this week was awesome we raise money for a different organization every month and this month is the Genevra house a women’s/children shelter here in town and we do this by paying for dress-down days on fridays and this week on Tuesday we had Desserts for a Cause where we could pay different amounts of money and get some desserts.

The manager of the office well she used to be a caterer/baker so she has talents coming out of her ying yang, she made a dessert buffet and from there you picked the number of pieces you purchased.
She made so many good things I’ll name some to make you salivate a little. Raspberry Oatmeal Squares; Blueberry Cheesecake, Buttertart Squares, Banana Bread, Chocolate Chip cookies, Peanut butter Cookies, Peanut Butter Mouse Cake with a Brownie bottom; Praline cheesecake, Apple Crumb tartlets, mini sugar pies, sucre de la creme; yummy want some more just from listing it.

Another cool thing that has happened is that well my supervisor was working from home she made me the lead of the team for the day and has said I will be in charge of the team when she’s not there.  Yikes only a week and someone is trying to shove me into leadership.. FYI I am terrified of the responsibility of being a leader, I know I can do it just don’t want to, but every time I turn around someone wants me in that role.  So yeah I totally feel in my element at work and now that has been sorted for a bit I can start to concentrate on other aspects of my life.

Like well getting my health back on track.  July 2nd I will be going back to my life of cleansing using my Isagenix System I now have the products needed to do that and after seeing what I saw when I went window shopping with my co worker I even more determined to get down to my goal weight and I figure I have another40lbs to go (according to the BMI scale) or so I will see at different stages how I look.  Well I have been unsuccessful in procuring my before picture from my friend hence the delay but I promise one is coming as well as an after.

I know that I have lost at least 20lbs possibly 30 I have gone done 3 sizes.  ( Would probably be more if I would add more exercise to my schedule besides walking).  It felt amazing window shopping this time around. A coworker who gives me a ride home decided that she needed new pants and since I needed to pick up some stuff and haven’t been to the mall in ages I followed her to the store.  Glad I did it gave me the encouragement I needed I knew I was losing weight because of my wardrobe at home but I had no idea how much till I started trying on clothes in the store.  I started with my (old) size and it was just hanging on me then I went down a size and a another and a another till I was standing there in a size M and a size 12.  I was amazed and kept falling in love with everything I tried on so I think once the bills are in order I am going to treat myself to one knock out piece as a celebration to my new size/job.  Won’t go crazy because I plan on losing more weight so there’s no use buying a new wardrobe I’ll just shop value village for a bit till I get at the weight I wanna be.

I am still flying from that revelation and pumped into becoming who I was meant to be.  I used to be small then I allowed life and my emotions to take over when I was in high school in Grade 12 I was a size 7/9 then in college I started stuffing my emotions (stress, fear, loneliness, exhaustion etc)  and ballooned up and it just continued to get higher and higher.  I started this journey for my health and strictly so but I would be lying if I didn’t want to be attractive to the opposite sex.  I used to be afraid of that attention and hence I blanketed myself with fat but now I am ready to shed that part of me and become the me I am supposed to be showing the world.(who I see inside my head)    I would like to meet someone and get married and I am not going to do that with the me that I was because that me was hiding herself away inside herself.  Now I am open to all possibilities and can only see the best for my future.

Okay oops getting hokey I know that I used my fat as a shield to keep me from being looked at and I am not saying that being heavier I wouldn’t be attractive.  To me though I was not attractive because I put up this huge wall saying I was not open to the possibilities of love or friendship, move on nothing to see here kind of mentality.

Okay this is getting too deep for an update thinking I may discuss this more in depth in another post.

So that’s what’s happened since we chatted now onto the fun stuff the finances.

Well in a nutshell my finances suck,  I have gotten a little behind and am now starting the process of digging myself out of this past year and getting back to where I was before this whole unemployment journey started I will go back to living within in my means and getting out of debt.  The way my paycheques work I get paid weekly and they are a week behind so I work this week but don’t get paid for till next week kind of thing which I love because that means I can pay bills every week which makes them happy.

So the idea is that I will use 3 of the 4 cheques to pay bills and my last one will be for rent, I figure if I am strict like that for the next two months I will start to get back on the right track and when I get the next contract at their rate of pay and not the agencies I will be able to really get into paying down my debt.. Right now the focus is just getting back to regular payments and stop being behind.

I am still seriously considering consolidating it would help me by giving me only one payment/lower interest and it would look really great when I go buy a house I think because my old debts would be cleared up and make it look like I have more credit.  I don’t know I sometimes feel like it’s the easier way out like that would be cheating, but the circumstance from the past year have made me think I need to do something.  Because at the rate I am going paying minimum payments it will take forever to get out of debt.

I am planning on getting a car next year if the finances pan out.  I have been offered a 2008 vehicle for $5000 grand for March 2012 and that would be a good first vehicle for me.  FYI I have never owned a vehicle in fact as of right now I am not even fully licensed so this would be a step towards adulthood (which would be great considering I turn 35 in Dec).  I would park it the majority of the time it would just be nice to have an asset and some more independence oh and the freedom to go places like visiting my bro and his kids, oh and Toronto.  Just another thought bubble that’s a way off.

Okay I am rambling but I figured since you haven’t heard from me in a bit you would put up with it.  There will be more regular posting this week.  Don’t worry I’ll keep you in the loop..

Hope everyone had a great week, Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie.

It’s 3 O’clock Do you know where your day went.

Okay when I started this post it was 3 O’clock, I still like the title so it stays.

Well where have I been well lets see I had a placement for a couple of weeks that wiped me out to point of exhaustion on a daily basis that ended on June 2nd.  Then I woke up on Friday with a cold that knocked me on my keister for a week or more so.  The beginning of June has sucked but now were in the middle and things seem to be turning around.

So let’s see beginning of June was filled with a Sunburn, pain and sickness. I’ve recovered and am now a nice shade of tan, can feel my body again and I am finally getting my voice/breath back.  Oh and the best news is I have a job for the summer..  Woo hoo and the best part or one of the best parts is that is is an Office job doing data entry Mon-Fri 8:30-4:30.  I am going to see summer..

So that is great news I only really missed out on a week of making money because the job starts tomorrow so it looks like I may be on track to finally making some progress in digging myself out this lovely pit that I dug myself in over my long unemployment.  I love that I get paid weekly.

It’s not terrific pay but you know what it’s going to pay my bills and allow me some breathing room for the first time in a long time so I am grateful for that.  I knew it was all about timing, HIS timing but I was really starting to go to that place that made me question every last decision I’ve made over the last year.  Like playing the “what if game” to death in my head in writing etc.  Doubting my abilities and taking every single last rejection as personal “like why don’t they like me, what do I have to do to make them see that I am a great employee.  Well I know it’s only for the summer but those 10 weeks are going to start the ball rolling to great things and I believe that I have finally turned the corner.. from this craptastic year and a bit.

So on the agenda of course is getting out of debt, or as I like to call it my pit of debt.  I will do that by concentrating on the most important bills, you know the one’s that are calling and threatening me with collections.  Then I will begin to do a debt snowball and become debt free.  I am still debating about consolidating my bills into one lump sum of low interest debt and one payment, but if I do that it will still be a while down the road.  Once I am secure in my employment and make more wages.  In theory consolidation sounds like a great solution but it means I will have more credit/debt then less if I stick with the hard way of paying more then the minimum and getting my debt gone one at a time, it may be better in the long run.  I don’t know it’s just a something I’ve been bouncing around in my pretty little head since I got a “letter” in the mail offering to consolidate my debt.

I am also going to work on growing my side income and that may involve me making me a public brand I am taking “baby steps” toward this direction.  I am sad that my sickness made me miss Part 2 of a seminar that I had attended earlier on this year about Co-Creating and creating Leaders/Mentors which was part of my side business.  I am sure I will get another chance to talk to PK Smith about the foundations involved in Co-Creation.

Next is to take my nephew who I promised 2 summers ago that I would take him to Wonderland, I couldn’t last summer because there was no money, okay that’s not entirely true I had a family reunion/wedding that came up and was more urgent (Cross Canada Road Trip).  But this year I am going to make an effort to get him there.  He’s the only one that I haven’t done something with (that’s old enough for rides).  I took his two sisters on a Toronto extravanganza 2 summers ago.  The Zoo, Wonderland, School Clothes Shopping, Staying in a Hotel, oh and eating where ever they wanted etc.  Essentially I spoiled them rotten.   So although it won’t be the extravaganza his sisters had it is something he wants to do and has asked many times over the last  year when we were going.  (He’s 8 next week).  So other then that.  I will be holding my purse strings pretty tight for the summer.  Till I know where I stand for the fall.

Oh and one other thing I have lost over 20lbs (probably closer to 30lbs) (Did it with my nutritional cleanse Isagenix) since November don’t know the exact lbs lost till I step on a scale again this week because the last weigh in was done a couple of weeks ago.  But who cares I feel amazing and now I am ready and willing to tone this new shape that is happening ( I have energy and want to exercise).  The only part I am a tiny bit sad about is that I lost a little of my chest.  I liked it before but you know what it was a little to big so it will be nice to be able to shop for some nice bras once I get financially fit.  I am working on getting my before and after’s done from my friend so you can see the difference.

So in a nutshell that’s what’s been going on and why I have been absent yet again from the blogosphere, hope to be more regular now that I will be in a better head space then I have been and also because hopefully my life will become more interesting.

Thanks and God Bless

Tina Marie

It’s the End of the World As We Know It!!

Okay well if you can tell I am talking about the failed prediction of last week, by the way most Christians that I know/follow don’t believe in that theory at all in fact here is my Leader of my church response to May 21st, 2011. ( Borrowed the title from a song done by many artists but I know it from Great Big Sea).

“What a pile of rubbish! Judgment and the end of the world May 21. What hog-wash! Read Matthew 24. People who are not saved or maybe saved, but don’t know their Bibles spread trollop like this and make us look foolish. My advice: live like He would come at any moment . Oh yeh! And if you believe this rubbish please rush over to my house and give me your money before you go :).”  Hazel Hill

So although we don’t know when it will occur with this idea coming up it definitely makes us more conscious of the live we have lived thus far and what changes if any need to be done in the upcoming years to come.

I mainly reflected on how I have treated people.  Have I been following the commandments and decrees set before me am I walking in Love towards those that have hurt me.  I feel that I have some work to do in this area but that I am doing it to the best of my knowledge right now.

Also being reflective it just makes you think what would you do if you knew the time and point at when you would go to be with God.  Would you live your life differently then how you are now, what would you say.  I was thinking about this before from an episode of How I met your Mother called Bad News where someone close them dies and they reflect on their “Last Words”.

What would your last words be?  Mine have always been “I love You”.  My family always makes it a point to say that often sometimes it’s several times a day.  I hear it many times from my mom she says it to me when I go out the door, if I talk on the phone to her when I get home and always before I/she go to bed.   Why because you just never know when the last time will be and you should take every opportunity to let someone know how you feel just in case it’s the last.  So no matter what is going on in our lives or how we feel about each other we always end our conversations with love.

My dad started this, okay it’s always been there but it really became a rule when my ma-mere passed away.  Long story short my dad has been involved in a feud with his sisters for pretty much most of his adult life since his father passed away and they weren’t on speaking terms when my ma-mere got sick.  Instead of honouring her wishes of seeing my father they decided that he didn’t deserve to be there and although she lived for 2 weeks in intensive care my father didn’t get to say good bye to her or that he loved her, so now he makes it a point and we all do to say how we feel, even if we are not really feeling like it at the time.

Anyways this week teaches us that we don’t know when our time is up and no matter what your beliefs are you can’t get this life back.  Once this life is over, it’s over so what do you want your life to be about, what’s your legacy for this world.

I am beginning to realize that I have wasted a lot of my life on useless things and realize that it’s not all about me and so my next part of my life is going to be less about me and more about others.

I have a real drive for issues involving poverty, I just don’t feel like it should be an issue in this day and time that people should not be living in the conditions that they do when there are so many riches in this world.  So I want to devote more time to that once I am back in a position that I can do more.

Also being a Christian I want to do more to share my faith because I believe and you might not share this belief that there is one God and when we die if were saved we go to be with Him and if not well you go somewhere else and I want people to know this more.  So I have decided to be more open with my faith and the first step is me blogging about it.  I have begun to show my faith on Facebook  and now I will be starting at least once a week or so talking about issues of faith with my readers.

The other thing that I have decided I want to do is be more open and less afraid so that means going public, first step to this is posting my updates on Facebook and showing my face.  There are two reasons for this one because I may help people in my circle if I would be less afraid of what they think and two because in order for me to be successful in some of my ideas for my life I need to be seen and have an identity online.  So right now I am still blogging for me but more and more people are reading it and I think it’s good if they know and can see who they are reading about.  Who knows where it can lead.   This is my ministry and I intend on using it to all of it’s abilities.

Okay so that’s my view on the end of the world.. It didn’t happen so we can go on living, hopefully more conscious of how we are living it and what we want our life to be about.

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie.

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