stay tuned this is a woman on the move who is tired of living a life of excuses and is going to do something about it, whatever it takes (nothing that breaks my moral code of course) My life, my struggles to get out of debt, getting healthy and not knowing what's next. trying to figure it all out. anyway I can

Posts tagged ‘Isagenix’

Fall Back and Change..

Okay so I hadn’t realized how long it’s been since I posted on here and I know if you’ve been following me and my journey.

I have a tendency to drop off the radar for months at a time and make promises to myself about being more consistent in my blogging well here we go again.

It’s been 4 months since I blogged anything of real information about my life and what I’ve been doing with it well that is going to change..  You see I made the mistake no not really a mistake the decision to hand out my business card with my blog address on it.   When I made them I was using them as my mini resume so they have tons of crowded information..   Maybe no one will read it,  but just in case some of the beautiful ladies I told about me (and my lovely journey) will like to see something up to date.

So here it is we fell back today you know got our extra hour of sleep, well some of us did.  I didn’t my body still thinks it’s yesterday and I got my 7 hrs so instead of playing a game or surfing the internet I have all this information and words that needs to get out so I figured I would get them out here before my head explodes.

Just a point form update for now and we’ll do more in-depth analysis on the last couple of months in the upcoming week.  Ready Set Go..

*Still working (yeah for me my year and a half anniversary is next month on the fourth), I have my first review for a raise and promotion(praying) next week.

*Still living in the same apartment (trying to change that circumstances require, more on that later this week)

* Still in debt but I’m making headway there meaning it’s going down slowly but surely.

*Still overweight but I’m still down the 40lbs I lost last year I only gain 5 pounds give or take.

*Still on Isagenix, love it had to not cleanse due to being on Antibiotics and steroids(asthma) for a month or so, can’t wait till November 6th to get back to it.

*Still not exercising bought myself an xbox in January was using it pretty steady then summer hit and my apartment became an oven, work got busy, (life got in the way), I got sick (starting making excuses) and I stopped now it’s freezing so perfect for workout sessions so I’m getting back into that this month.   I’m loving how I’m feeling without the extra weight so If I can lose what I’ve lost without any major exercise then holy cow what will I achieve with it.

*Still have my kitty and she is so “Precious” (that’s sarcasm) more on her antics this week.  I promise I will not blog about her on a regular basis.. I love her, but she is not the focus of this blog, “I AM”.

*Still a Christian attending church regularly and if certain people in my circle get their wish, soon to be attending French services on Sunday morning, because were determined to get my French back and I’m almost there.. I’m starting to understand more fluently, just have to get up the courage to speak it more openly.

I love my church, so much so that I am now in charge of the “web presence” for it and look after Facebook  posting to radio stations about events, and soon twitter and when I get a Mac(apple)  the actual web page.  I also am the unofficial executive administrative assistant” (don’t get paid) do the minutes for our leadership meetings and am in leadership training.

*I’m working on growing my business finally, after many starts and stops.  First official step towards that happened this weekend.. I was always sharing my business with people but I wasn’t actively working on it.  It was more like a pray and see kinda thing..  Now it’s not ..  I invested in the women’s show in my town and it was a great experience I am totally comfortable now in sharing our products and ready to change lots of people lives for the good…

*Finally I have an opportunity coming up to share a special occasion with people that I love and who have been so instrumental in the person I’ve grown into in the past 2 years.   More on that this week as well..  lets just put it this way I’m so excited..

So in finishing as you can see a lot of exciting things on the horizon it can only get better from here for me.  For other people in my inner circle well lets just say (without going to details and a big reason as to why I stopped blogging),  so much of my life I was afraid to share in the fear of who would be reading you know the people I know “in real life”.  but I’m tired of closing myself off if I need to share I’m going to share if I don’t want my “in real life”  friends and family to know what I’m talking about I’ll just make the post private..   This is my outlet to get my pent up emotions and feelings out shutting down the writer in me is not good for my spirit or my body.. I need to do this not only for who maybe reading, but for myself.

So once again I am back for how long and for how consistent I don’t know but I’m going to do my best to keep consistent and keep this thing more regular just in case my words are encouraging you in your own journey..

Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie

*MORE TO COME!!

“PRICE TAG”

If you’re not being treated with love and respect, check your “Price Tag”. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It is YOU who tells people your worth by what you accept. Get off the ‘Clearance Rack’ and get behind the glass where they keep all the VALUABLES. Bottom line is…VALUE yourself more! Re-post if you like..you might help someone get off the CLEARANCE RACK.

 

One of my fav’s that I’ve read.. Yep if you guessed I’m getting back on the blogging train I’ve missed it and I feel it is time to end my sabbatical and get back in the blogosphere so sometime this week expect a really long overdue update as to what’s been going on in Tina Marie’s life and mind.. Missed you all, well the one person that reads me..

 

Take Care and God Bless..

Tina Marie.

And so the Gutting begins..

Okay, so I have 4 more days off and so far it’s been great I have had some really great meals w/friends and family, spent some great quality time with my parents. and am now in the phase I would like to call “gutting my room” Yesterday started with organizing my hope chest which really I should just call my “craft chest” because that’s what’s in there. But today is the hard yards organizing my closet and my bookshelves, it’s going to be tough to not let sentimentality come into play but it needs to be done there is no room in my closet for anything. It’s time to get rid of the things holding me back no use keeping clothes I’m never going to fit in again because I’m never going to be 200lbs again ever.. and thanks to the product that I’ve been consistently taking I’m going to be able to get to my goal weight this year. 40lbs to go. God is working, has been all the time.. Bring on 2012 this is going to be the best year yet.. can’t wait so excited for it.

Take care and God Bless

Tina Marie

I’m a Mom!!

One of the reasons I disappeared from the radar besides well honestly lack of desire to blog.

Not because I didn’t have tons to share just with the job I’m doing I’m brain fried on most days after work and the idea of sitting at the computer and coming up with words of what and how my life was progressing just seemed to daunting.   So in typical “Tina Marie” fashion I avoided and delayed and procrastinated till it just seem like too daunting of a task to become a daily blogger again.

Which I have never professed to be,  anyways I miss it.   I miss expressing myself using my words even if only one person is reading it a day, it’s not about my audience it’s about getting my thoughts, feelings and emotions out of my brain so that it clears up space for more productive things like life.

Okay so what’s been happening well contract was extended again to end of November and hopefully by mid November I find out if I’m extended to end of January.   Which it is 85% certain it will be and probably longer which would suit me fine.   The longer that I have stable employment the likelier that my next plan of action can be put into place.

Okay so the title what’s that all about well about a month ago my mom came home from a trip from visiting friends with a little surprise.   I was not overjoyed at this surprise as we had discussed on several occasions that I didn’t want the responsibility, nor did I think that I could handle the responsibility.   So we had put on the back burner the idea of adding any other additional members to our family till we became more stable financially and till we had a bigger house and not an apartment.

Well what could you do when your mom tells you this heartbreaking story about how this little furball was caught up in a fishing net up to her neck in the cold wet outdoors and that if she didn’t rescue it and take her home she would have surely died a horrible death at the exposure of the elements and not being able to protect herself.

So now I am a proud “mommy” to a furchild kitten Precious Princess ( not my choice, mom named her as she was a “Precious gift from God”, so the name stays) I call her “P” when mom isn’t looking lol.    She was 6 weeks old when mom found her ( we think) so she’s 2 months now.

Well I could make this whole entry about her and all her antics,  but I will not be turning this blog into to the Precious blog.   Her daily exploits lets just say as much as she has brought joy she has some personality quirks that are little exasperating at the moment..  Like she has an issue with biting and scratching, she thinks she is playing but it hurts and my hands look I’ve been in attack,  full of scratches.

She has also given me something that I know I’ve been lacking and that something to nurture and love I forgot how much I missed having a pet, especially a cat.. I love it and so glad mom brought her home..  Okay enough about her back to me.

So that’s what’s going on, on the work front, on the rest of the fronts in my personal life well it’s been a bit of a roller coaster.  Lots of personal stuff that I’m not at liberty to share but I hate when my family members are in pain and there is nothing you can do for them but be there.  So I’ve had to deal with that which has been hard to see this family member go through what they are going through and not being able to fix it and no that I can’t that it’s a journey they have to go through on their own.

So yeah I have a lot on my plate right now and some of it I want gone and am doing something about it.

Starting with well as well as blogging break that was both self imposed and unplanned.  I also did a fast from TV, Twitter and Movies for a month Twitter for 4o days I just felt I need that break and it was a way to get clarity.  I allowed myself to watch Masterchef and Xfactor during that time period but nothing like Drama’s or Prime Time TV.. I did break it a couple of times when I went to the movies on my friends bday and when I watched movies w/Dad when he came to town but for the most part I stuck to it.    You would think that would leave me more time for reading but I don’t know lately reading is like torture to me I can’t get into it which is really strange when you consider I used to read like 3 books, 5 magazines a week on top of email and blogs.   So it’s a little strange to lose my first love..   I’m determined to get it back because I have a ton of great things to read, including my friends neglected blogs I feel disconnected with not reading their blogs and talking on twitter I have no idea what’s going on in their lives and now I have to start to reconnect again and hope it’s not to late.

So if I haven’t been reading or watching TV what the heck have I been doing well I have been socializing more by getting out I went to a great conference at the end of September which I plan on doing a couple blogs about.  I’ve been visiting and getting out more mainly with my Dad who I have been building a better relationship with.  Also doing a lot of talking w/mom.  I’m attending bible study and church on a regular basis.  I’m just becoming more rounded instead of living in my room.. Also confession time I have spent whole evenings just watching my kitten and her antics and playing with her.  I’ve also rediscovered my other passion Game playing, back to playing my Hidden Object/Adventure Games.

So life is pretty full, but it’s still not productive so in November I’m starting to do something I haven’t done in a while because I stepped on a scale and am proud that just by doing Isagenix and changing my eating habits that I have managed to lose 33 pounds since January but I know that I could have done better and showed it more if I had put an exercise plan into this as well so I’m going to start exercising.. I have all the things I need to do it a balance ball, a set of weights and two feet and a heartbeat.  So I should be able to get something accomplished with that.

I did also have to take a break from Isagenix, the one thing about my job is yes I’m working and yes I’m making money but it’s not enough that I can afford to take a trip for a weekend and do Isagenix so I made a choice in September to not get my Isagenix so I could go on this amazing conference So I was without Isagenix for almost two months and man did I feel it.. I was sluggish and pigging out on so many inappropriate foods like chip and eating pizza, chicken fingers & wedges (homemade) but still I was not on track  I tried to stay healthy but gave into my cravings on more then one occasion.   I was so afraid to get on the scale because I was sure with my lack of exercise and eating junk that I would have surely gained a lot of weight back but I was pleasantly surprised to only have gained 3pds.  So now I’m back on my cleanse I’m on day 5 of 30 and am going to put my health first from now on.   As always I’ll keep you in the loop as to what my progress is.. I’m going to do something else I haven’t done in over 15 years I’m going to have a scale in my house and hope that I don’t become overly obsessed with the number on the stupid thing.   So that’s my health update.

I have a big birthday coming up and I’m too late to do a list of things I would like to accomplish by it that would be just setting myself up for defeat I am proud of some of the things I have accomplished this year.  I know I’ve grown, and I know that some people think that I’m stunted in my growth with not being involved in a relationship, or have a house, or kids, heck even a license at my age oh and sharing an apartment with my mom.  I’m coming to realize that where I am in life is where I need to be right now as I heal and grow and when I am ready for all those other steps I will be doing it with a healthy mindset, I can’t wait for what comes next..  I’m turning 35 but I feel like it’s a rebirth of Tina Marie and that this next year will be my best yet, now that I have the tools in place to accomplish and become the Tina Marie that God’s sees that I can be.  So in summary, by my birthday or the beginning of the year whatever comes first I hope to  have these things done or started.  It’s not a 35 by 35 list but it’s things I think are manageable and won’t set me up for failure.

Things to do by Jan 2012:

  • Start an exercise program where I’m exercising 3x a week, I’ve said it in the past and I haven’t followed through with it but I will keep putting the intent out there and one day it will happen hopefully this is the month.
  • Continue with Isagenix and my healthy eating program w/ Vitamins and proper sleep
  • Get finances in order by getting “Clean Slate” by getting a Consolidation Loan now that I have been employed for 6+months ( will wipe the slate clean and give me a lower interest/1 payment which is the amount I’m paying on all payments and make a difference in my debt amounts.
  • Continue with growing my relationships around me, reconnect with my estranged family members and start contact them regularly.
  • Get contract extended. (Learn when it’s time to move on)
  • Start reading more starting with the books I borrowed “The Help”.
  • Blog more (notice didn’t put a frequency in)
  • Start de-cluttering room by getting rid of 10 things a week or more.
  • Start painting again (bought all the supplies on my trip)
  • Go back to silent sundays or 1 day a week w/no tech and no noise(music, podcasts, tv)
One more thing in case your curious that number I saw on the scale was 165lbs to put that into perspective this time last year I weighed 197lbs.  So I am pleased and am going to keep on keeping on.
Thank you and God Bless
Tina Marie.
Oh here’s a picture of Precious

Back to School

Your thinking what your going back to school that’s great well I’m not the reason I titled it that is well I’m going to start home schooling myself I think that September is the perfect time to start something new or to start something over again, why wait till January.  The kids get a do over us adults can too. So lets see what do I want to school myself in.

Well I’m about to hit a milestone birthday, this birthday bugs me more then turning 30 did don’t know why I mean I don’t look anywhere near 35 but alas I will be in 4 months so It’s time to stop fooling around and get back  in class.

First a brief okay maybe not update of what the heck I’ve been doing..

This summer was great I worked the whole summer but I am working at a place that my job really doesn’t feel like work, I get to listen to music and podcasts all day and interact with staff when need be if need be by MSN Chat.  It’s so autonomous I’m pretty much boss less most days but she’s there if I need her.  I have been able to get home before dark, which has allowed me to walk home from down town at least 2x week or more.  I have weekends off so I have been able to reconnect with family and friends maybe not as much as I wanted to but I have had a semblance of a social life again which is great.  I got to go swimming this year I haven’t done that in a lot of years mainly because of work but mostly because I was too self conscious to get into a swimsuit, still am just have decided to not care so much.  So finances still suck I have a job but it’s just barely paying the bills because just as I started working mom stopped so the income got cut in half again.

Another reason I’m grateful it’s September mom is back to work and starting another job on top of that.  Hopefully I won’t have another lapse in employment because my contract that was supposed to end in Aug has now been extended till Mid October, but after that I don’t know what is going to happen, inside I want to stay where I am but unless we get major funding that won’t be happening.   So it will be onto the next thing hopefully straight away with no gaps and better pay would be great.

So who would have thunk it that I am the happiest I’ve ever been making half the amount of money working as a temp.  Yeah the insecurities and fears are still there but I don’t know they’ve lessened yes it helps to know that soon mom will be matching my income so all the bills won’t be entirely on my shoulders, which will free me up to finally accomplish some goals such as paying down debt.  I hope.

Well I wanted to do a list of things I plan on starting this September yep were 5 days in, so starting tomorrow till Dec I hope to start and continue to do these things it’s going to be one big list because well I’m lazy and don’t feel like separating them into individual maybe another day.  Plus the brain is thinking linear and not in categories it just wants to get it out, not organize the subjects.

Goals for Septemeber 2011 and Ongoing.  (might be repeating from last post, Sorry)

  • Organize bedroom, badly I’ve kind let that go a bit.  I might show you how bad (debating about that one) Start taking 15-20mins a day to clean room that way it don’t end like it is now.
  • Exercise in some way, shape or form 3x a week.
  • Get back on track w/nutritional cleanse follow it to a “T”
  • Read more books/blogs/magazines
  • Less TV big one (fall season starting though and I still haven’t watched most of last seasons shows, so begs that question what have I been watching, oh yeah Australian shows)
  • Stay on proper sleep schedule even on weekends
  • Once determined what finances are ongoing, create a budget and stick to it.
  • Continue to Listen to Podcasts from various Ministries instead of music
  • Start cooking more (Since Mom and I will be both be working f/t time to take turns)
  • Get out more.. Start instituting Date Nights with myself, shopping(window), Library, Movies etc
  • Socialize with Friends More
  • Bible Study, Devotionals Spend at least half hour in AM and again at night.
  • Journal both online and offline
  • Organize Calendar
  • Call Nieces and Nephews more.
  • Organize Wardrobe
  • Become Consultant again in Side Hustle, start generating some income from this.
  • Blog at least 3x a week or more.
  • Be more present in my every day and not worry about tomorrow till it’s here.
That’s a good enough list for now I think.
I’ve made a good start to some of them, so I’ll keep in touch to let you know of my progress.
Take and God Bless
Tina Marie

My Journey to getting back on track.

Okay so where do I start.  If you have been following my blog, you know that in Jan of this year I started a nutritional cleansing program called Isagenix.  I don’t want my blog to turn into an infomercial but needless to say it’s been life changing and finally feel like the Tina Marie I used to be before I allowed my insecurities and fear oh and depression from stopping me from living a full life.  I’m not saying that Isagenix was my cure all there were alot of other things I did besides this but it was the catalyst to getting the ball rolling into helping me and will continuously help me to get to where I want to be at least when it comes to my physical health.

Okay so when I started this program for the first time in November of 2010 I was just taking the shakes twice a day or once a day etc.  It was a sample from a friend to see if I had any adverse reactions to the products before I invested into it.   I didn’t in fact within the first week I noticed a difference and I lost 10lbs in that month alone.  Yeah it was probably mostly water weight but it got the ball rolling and I’m not stopping till I reach my goal.  When I started I weighed 197lbs 3 short of 200lbs which is a lot, but when you add the fact that I am barely 5ft 1″, it’s hazardous and can cause all sorts of problems.. I tend to carry my weight in my hips, thighs and butt.  However at this weight I was carrying it all over.

Okay so lets fast forward to January I started to do the whole system I wish I can say that I’m the poster child for routines but I’m not.  I suck and I’m working on this too.  I am not good at following a regimen of anything so I have not been doing the system to the letter or consistently.. Mostly due to finances but when I am following it to the T.  I am amazed at how better I feel.  My digestive issues have improved, I’m sleeping better, my skin is clearer, oh and my energy is through the roof.   Basically I am a new person and my family and friends have  noticed it and so are therefore encouraging me to continue with it.  I’ve also got some family that have joined independently on their own and are having some great results with it as well.

I have my drive back.. it went away for a bit but it’s back and I am loving it.  So I have lost 30lbs since I started and this is not doing it consistently and without very little exercise.   Which is great I have found since starting this that I have lost my taste for junkfood my body craves healthy foods, I have more energy and I want to exercise.   So that’s it, infomercial over lol.   I have been promising before and after’s forever but I thought I could do one better and show some pics since Aug 2010 till Aug 2011 so you can see the difference like I do.

You may be thinking and I know I thought the same thing that the system I’m doing sounds hazardous because I doesn’t sound like I’m eating much but trust me I am eating more now then I did before this I used to only eat once a day (supper usually and a huge one because I was starving)  Now I’m eating up to 6 times a day.  My 2 shakes, snacks and meal.. I’m drinking ridiculous amounts of water.   Oh and because I have got my digestive system back on track I actually am able to eat a meal and not have to worry that it won’t stay in.  You can check it and it’s properities by clicking the Link.  I’m planning on doing this or some variation of this for the rest of my life.   The way I look at it is that it’s this or spend the same kind of money on ridiculous amounts of meds to keep me going.   I can’t say that Isagenix did all this for me but losing weight and getting back on track with my sleep patterns and starting to exercise certainly didn’t hurt.

So what else have I done people are starting to ask.  I hate exercise but I love to walk so I’ve been walking more, walking home from downtown.  Walking to the Beach.  Just a lot more walking.. Getting outside enjoying summer.. I went swimming 2x this summer first time in 4 years I’ve been swimming in the lake.  Just those 15mins a day or 3x a week has made a difference.

I’ve stop beating myself up, I allow myself a treat every now and then.  I think okay I know that if I got completely on board with this program and did it to the letter that I would see even bigger results like I have seen around me.  It’s like anything if you want to do it well you have to stick with it.  I am hoping over the next couple of months that I will be able to get more active and by my 35th birthday in December in 4 months have lost another 10lbs or more.

I’m not perfect and that’s okay with me I ran out a couple of weeks ago well more like 3 weeks and instantly I wanted junk and because I wasn’t on the system I ended up pigging out a couple of times but the majority of the time I have been doing well.  I’m not ashamed to admit that one night well mindlessly watching 3 versions of Next Top Model I devoured a pint of Ben & Jerry’s If I had a 1million flavours, or that then a couple of weeks later I ended up having chips for supper (All dressed).   That’s okay I can start again tomorrow.  Which I did.

So this month I’m treating it like the beginning of my school year too.  I’m going to get back on track and start following a regimen in my life I’ve already got the ball rolling when it comes to my sleeping and eating habits now onto the rest of it which is the dreaded word of exercise.  I still don’t have the finances to join a gym so I’m going to be home-schooled for now and will attempt to self teach myself till that time comes and I can attend classes.

This months goals are:

  • to start going for a walk at least 3x’s a week.
  • Do at least 20mins a day on the ball/pilates
  • Start stretching in the AM before work
  • Continue to eat healthy till next shipment comes in next week.
  • Stretch at work, get up from my desk more often.
That’s it for this entry now the part that you have all been waiting for pictures.   I have not taken the precaution of blacking out my face, I’m beginning to get less and less concerned about being discovered.  This part of my life I don’t have a problem shouting it from the roof tops.
Okay Pics from Aug 2010 to Aug 2011

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Could it be things are turning around.. Hallejulah

Oops I’ve gone and done the disappearing thing again.. Okay I am alive and I am here I don’t really know why I haven’t been blogging.  I won’t make any promises but well here’s an update to what’s been going on in my tiny little world.

Feels likes I have a new wardrobe since starting in this placement now that I am back to wearing my professional clothes. There are pros and cons to every situation now I am wearing my pro clothes I now need new clothes due to all the lbs I’ve lost, loving this new placement hope it turns into something more long term. I work in an office doing data entry/review and I get to spend the day with great people listening to music/podcasts all day woo hoo.. God is working, always has been.. just needed to be reminded.

I have been there now a little over a week and a bit and scheduled to be there for another 9weeks, start praying.. Anyways I am doing data entry in the morning and in the afternoon I have been assigned okay I volunteered to do the Data Entry Training Manual for the program and processes that we use. So far I started it on Tuesday afternoon and I have a 8220words and 32page manual and I am not done.. Guess I really am a writer, I submitted my rough copy to my supervisor on Friday for comments and corrections.. A little nervous still a lot left to do figure I should have it done by next week on Fri.   ( Was informed by supervisor that this is a daily thing over my entire term there so there is no actual due date, that takes the pressure off, mind you I was kind of looking forward to a new project)
The other part of my job playing on Google/internet looking for research relevant to what my office offers. Due to confidentiality can’t publish here.

There are rumblings of possibly extending my placement but won’t find out till this one is done or near completion if that were to happen it could possibly last till November or longer.  We will see I am holding out hope for that but if not then the next door will open for a new possibility.

So yeah this week was awesome we raise money for a different organization every month and this month is the Genevra house a women’s/children shelter here in town and we do this by paying for dress-down days on fridays and this week on Tuesday we had Desserts for a Cause where we could pay different amounts of money and get some desserts.

The manager of the office well she used to be a caterer/baker so she has talents coming out of her ying yang, she made a dessert buffet and from there you picked the number of pieces you purchased.
She made so many good things I’ll name some to make you salivate a little. Raspberry Oatmeal Squares; Blueberry Cheesecake, Buttertart Squares, Banana Bread, Chocolate Chip cookies, Peanut butter Cookies, Peanut Butter Mouse Cake with a Brownie bottom; Praline cheesecake, Apple Crumb tartlets, mini sugar pies, sucre de la creme; yummy want some more just from listing it.

Another cool thing that has happened is that well my supervisor was working from home she made me the lead of the team for the day and has said I will be in charge of the team when she’s not there.  Yikes only a week and someone is trying to shove me into leadership.. FYI I am terrified of the responsibility of being a leader, I know I can do it just don’t want to, but every time I turn around someone wants me in that role.  So yeah I totally feel in my element at work and now that has been sorted for a bit I can start to concentrate on other aspects of my life.

Like well getting my health back on track.  July 2nd I will be going back to my life of cleansing using my Isagenix System I now have the products needed to do that and after seeing what I saw when I went window shopping with my co worker I even more determined to get down to my goal weight and I figure I have another40lbs to go (according to the BMI scale) or so I will see at different stages how I look.  Well I have been unsuccessful in procuring my before picture from my friend hence the delay but I promise one is coming as well as an after.

I know that I have lost at least 20lbs possibly 30 I have gone done 3 sizes.  ( Would probably be more if I would add more exercise to my schedule besides walking).  It felt amazing window shopping this time around. A coworker who gives me a ride home decided that she needed new pants and since I needed to pick up some stuff and haven’t been to the mall in ages I followed her to the store.  Glad I did it gave me the encouragement I needed I knew I was losing weight because of my wardrobe at home but I had no idea how much till I started trying on clothes in the store.  I started with my (old) size and it was just hanging on me then I went down a size and a another and a another till I was standing there in a size M and a size 12.  I was amazed and kept falling in love with everything I tried on so I think once the bills are in order I am going to treat myself to one knock out piece as a celebration to my new size/job.  Won’t go crazy because I plan on losing more weight so there’s no use buying a new wardrobe I’ll just shop value village for a bit till I get at the weight I wanna be.

I am still flying from that revelation and pumped into becoming who I was meant to be.  I used to be small then I allowed life and my emotions to take over when I was in high school in Grade 12 I was a size 7/9 then in college I started stuffing my emotions (stress, fear, loneliness, exhaustion etc)  and ballooned up and it just continued to get higher and higher.  I started this journey for my health and strictly so but I would be lying if I didn’t want to be attractive to the opposite sex.  I used to be afraid of that attention and hence I blanketed myself with fat but now I am ready to shed that part of me and become the me I am supposed to be showing the world.(who I see inside my head)    I would like to meet someone and get married and I am not going to do that with the me that I was because that me was hiding herself away inside herself.  Now I am open to all possibilities and can only see the best for my future.

Okay oops getting hokey I know that I used my fat as a shield to keep me from being looked at and I am not saying that being heavier I wouldn’t be attractive.  To me though I was not attractive because I put up this huge wall saying I was not open to the possibilities of love or friendship, move on nothing to see here kind of mentality.

Okay this is getting too deep for an update thinking I may discuss this more in depth in another post.

So that’s what’s happened since we chatted now onto the fun stuff the finances.

Well in a nutshell my finances suck,  I have gotten a little behind and am now starting the process of digging myself out of this past year and getting back to where I was before this whole unemployment journey started I will go back to living within in my means and getting out of debt.  The way my paycheques work I get paid weekly and they are a week behind so I work this week but don’t get paid for till next week kind of thing which I love because that means I can pay bills every week which makes them happy.

So the idea is that I will use 3 of the 4 cheques to pay bills and my last one will be for rent, I figure if I am strict like that for the next two months I will start to get back on the right track and when I get the next contract at their rate of pay and not the agencies I will be able to really get into paying down my debt.. Right now the focus is just getting back to regular payments and stop being behind.

I am still seriously considering consolidating it would help me by giving me only one payment/lower interest and it would look really great when I go buy a house I think because my old debts would be cleared up and make it look like I have more credit.  I don’t know I sometimes feel like it’s the easier way out like that would be cheating, but the circumstance from the past year have made me think I need to do something.  Because at the rate I am going paying minimum payments it will take forever to get out of debt.

I am planning on getting a car next year if the finances pan out.  I have been offered a 2008 vehicle for $5000 grand for March 2012 and that would be a good first vehicle for me.  FYI I have never owned a vehicle in fact as of right now I am not even fully licensed so this would be a step towards adulthood (which would be great considering I turn 35 in Dec).  I would park it the majority of the time it would just be nice to have an asset and some more independence oh and the freedom to go places like visiting my bro and his kids, oh and Toronto.  Just another thought bubble that’s a way off.

Okay I am rambling but I figured since you haven’t heard from me in a bit you would put up with it.  There will be more regular posting this week.  Don’t worry I’ll keep you in the loop..

Hope everyone had a great week, Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie.

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