stay tuned this is a woman on the move who is tired of living a life of excuses and is going to do something about it, whatever it takes (nothing that breaks my moral code of course) My life, my struggles to get out of debt, getting healthy and not knowing what's next. trying to figure it all out. anyway I can

Posts tagged ‘personal’

I’m a Mom!!

One of the reasons I disappeared from the radar besides well honestly lack of desire to blog.

Not because I didn’t have tons to share just with the job I’m doing I’m brain fried on most days after work and the idea of sitting at the computer and coming up with words of what and how my life was progressing just seemed to daunting.   So in typical “Tina Marie” fashion I avoided and delayed and procrastinated till it just seem like too daunting of a task to become a daily blogger again.

Which I have never professed to be,  anyways I miss it.   I miss expressing myself using my words even if only one person is reading it a day, it’s not about my audience it’s about getting my thoughts, feelings and emotions out of my brain so that it clears up space for more productive things like life.

Okay so what’s been happening well contract was extended again to end of November and hopefully by mid November I find out if I’m extended to end of January.   Which it is 85% certain it will be and probably longer which would suit me fine.   The longer that I have stable employment the likelier that my next plan of action can be put into place.

Okay so the title what’s that all about well about a month ago my mom came home from a trip from visiting friends with a little surprise.   I was not overjoyed at this surprise as we had discussed on several occasions that I didn’t want the responsibility, nor did I think that I could handle the responsibility.   So we had put on the back burner the idea of adding any other additional members to our family till we became more stable financially and till we had a bigger house and not an apartment.

Well what could you do when your mom tells you this heartbreaking story about how this little furball was caught up in a fishing net up to her neck in the cold wet outdoors and that if she didn’t rescue it and take her home she would have surely died a horrible death at the exposure of the elements and not being able to protect herself.

So now I am a proud “mommy” to a furchild kitten Precious Princess ( not my choice, mom named her as she was a “Precious gift from God”, so the name stays) I call her “P” when mom isn’t looking lol.    She was 6 weeks old when mom found her ( we think) so she’s 2 months now.

Well I could make this whole entry about her and all her antics,  but I will not be turning this blog into to the Precious blog.   Her daily exploits lets just say as much as she has brought joy she has some personality quirks that are little exasperating at the moment..  Like she has an issue with biting and scratching, she thinks she is playing but it hurts and my hands look I’ve been in attack,  full of scratches.

She has also given me something that I know I’ve been lacking and that something to nurture and love I forgot how much I missed having a pet, especially a cat.. I love it and so glad mom brought her home..  Okay enough about her back to me.

So that’s what’s going on, on the work front, on the rest of the fronts in my personal life well it’s been a bit of a roller coaster.  Lots of personal stuff that I’m not at liberty to share but I hate when my family members are in pain and there is nothing you can do for them but be there.  So I’ve had to deal with that which has been hard to see this family member go through what they are going through and not being able to fix it and no that I can’t that it’s a journey they have to go through on their own.

So yeah I have a lot on my plate right now and some of it I want gone and am doing something about it.

Starting with well as well as blogging break that was both self imposed and unplanned.  I also did a fast from TV, Twitter and Movies for a month Twitter for 4o days I just felt I need that break and it was a way to get clarity.  I allowed myself to watch Masterchef and Xfactor during that time period but nothing like Drama’s or Prime Time TV.. I did break it a couple of times when I went to the movies on my friends bday and when I watched movies w/Dad when he came to town but for the most part I stuck to it.    You would think that would leave me more time for reading but I don’t know lately reading is like torture to me I can’t get into it which is really strange when you consider I used to read like 3 books, 5 magazines a week on top of email and blogs.   So it’s a little strange to lose my first love..   I’m determined to get it back because I have a ton of great things to read, including my friends neglected blogs I feel disconnected with not reading their blogs and talking on twitter I have no idea what’s going on in their lives and now I have to start to reconnect again and hope it’s not to late.

So if I haven’t been reading or watching TV what the heck have I been doing well I have been socializing more by getting out I went to a great conference at the end of September which I plan on doing a couple blogs about.  I’ve been visiting and getting out more mainly with my Dad who I have been building a better relationship with.  Also doing a lot of talking w/mom.  I’m attending bible study and church on a regular basis.  I’m just becoming more rounded instead of living in my room.. Also confession time I have spent whole evenings just watching my kitten and her antics and playing with her.  I’ve also rediscovered my other passion Game playing, back to playing my Hidden Object/Adventure Games.

So life is pretty full, but it’s still not productive so in November I’m starting to do something I haven’t done in a while because I stepped on a scale and am proud that just by doing Isagenix and changing my eating habits that I have managed to lose 33 pounds since January but I know that I could have done better and showed it more if I had put an exercise plan into this as well so I’m going to start exercising.. I have all the things I need to do it a balance ball, a set of weights and two feet and a heartbeat.  So I should be able to get something accomplished with that.

I did also have to take a break from Isagenix, the one thing about my job is yes I’m working and yes I’m making money but it’s not enough that I can afford to take a trip for a weekend and do Isagenix so I made a choice in September to not get my Isagenix so I could go on this amazing conference So I was without Isagenix for almost two months and man did I feel it.. I was sluggish and pigging out on so many inappropriate foods like chip and eating pizza, chicken fingers & wedges (homemade) but still I was not on track  I tried to stay healthy but gave into my cravings on more then one occasion.   I was so afraid to get on the scale because I was sure with my lack of exercise and eating junk that I would have surely gained a lot of weight back but I was pleasantly surprised to only have gained 3pds.  So now I’m back on my cleanse I’m on day 5 of 30 and am going to put my health first from now on.   As always I’ll keep you in the loop as to what my progress is.. I’m going to do something else I haven’t done in over 15 years I’m going to have a scale in my house and hope that I don’t become overly obsessed with the number on the stupid thing.   So that’s my health update.

I have a big birthday coming up and I’m too late to do a list of things I would like to accomplish by it that would be just setting myself up for defeat I am proud of some of the things I have accomplished this year.  I know I’ve grown, and I know that some people think that I’m stunted in my growth with not being involved in a relationship, or have a house, or kids, heck even a license at my age oh and sharing an apartment with my mom.  I’m coming to realize that where I am in life is where I need to be right now as I heal and grow and when I am ready for all those other steps I will be doing it with a healthy mindset, I can’t wait for what comes next..  I’m turning 35 but I feel like it’s a rebirth of Tina Marie and that this next year will be my best yet, now that I have the tools in place to accomplish and become the Tina Marie that God’s sees that I can be.  So in summary, by my birthday or the beginning of the year whatever comes first I hope to  have these things done or started.  It’s not a 35 by 35 list but it’s things I think are manageable and won’t set me up for failure.

Things to do by Jan 2012:

  • Start an exercise program where I’m exercising 3x a week, I’ve said it in the past and I haven’t followed through with it but I will keep putting the intent out there and one day it will happen hopefully this is the month.
  • Continue with Isagenix and my healthy eating program w/ Vitamins and proper sleep
  • Get finances in order by getting “Clean Slate” by getting a Consolidation Loan now that I have been employed for 6+months ( will wipe the slate clean and give me a lower interest/1 payment which is the amount I’m paying on all payments and make a difference in my debt amounts.
  • Continue with growing my relationships around me, reconnect with my estranged family members and start contact them regularly.
  • Get contract extended. (Learn when it’s time to move on)
  • Start reading more starting with the books I borrowed “The Help”.
  • Blog more (notice didn’t put a frequency in)
  • Start de-cluttering room by getting rid of 10 things a week or more.
  • Start painting again (bought all the supplies on my trip)
  • Go back to silent sundays or 1 day a week w/no tech and no noise(music, podcasts, tv)
One more thing in case your curious that number I saw on the scale was 165lbs to put that into perspective this time last year I weighed 197lbs.  So I am pleased and am going to keep on keeping on.
Thank you and God Bless
Tina Marie.
Oh here’s a picture of Precious

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Weekend Mission: Eradicate weevils and other updates

Update time:

Well since we last talked I believe I mentioned that I got a temp job for the rest of the week well that has since been extended to include an additional week possibly two.  Yeah this means that I will have my rent money and shock of all shocks I will be able to pay some bills.  As per norm not giving up and by no means am ready to settle.  This job is relatively easy mentally, not extremely stressful but I am not sure if I am up to the challenge physically which is why I have only agreed to it temporarily and am continuing to pray that I hear back from an office position soon.

This week was extremely productive for me and had some surprises as well it felt great to get back out there and have something to do on a daily basis I really do like working, I forgot how much I did.  But once I was back out there in public and socializing with coworkers and clients it felt great.  I love having a purpose for waking up.  I have enjoyed my time off got a lot of things accomplished and sometimes feel like I should have used my time more wisely but the things I did do this year  helped my relationships grow, and my self to be more ready for what is coming up in the years to come.

Okay so what happened this weekend:

Well I had a leadership meeting for my church on Saturday with an amazing couple of men from Continuum Ministries, (check them out they have an amazing story too long to put here, but the gist of it is this)  25 years or so ago Al Purvis and his Wife decided that they were going to do mission work and they decided on Thailand because of all the orphans that were left in the wake after the Vietnam War.  So they moved there with their 3 children and opened an orphanage where they preceded to adopt over 20 children and grow an international ministry.  Amazing inspiring organization and people.  Every time I meet someone from my church family I am continually amazed at how down to earth these people are even though they are doing tremendous work and in some cases extremely wealthy.   I always feel like although I am not doing what they are that we are still on the same level and that is a great feeling to have towards your leaders.

So Al spoke on leadership and the role we should have in Ministry and in life it was great and as per norm I took tons of notes.  The main thing that I took from it is that leaders have to allow the people that they choose to put in roles perform their roles without interference from yourself.  In other words if  you trust your people to do the job that you put them into, let them do it and don’t micromanage them well they are.  Defeats the purpose of appointing and delegating roles within your life/company.  There is lots that was learned but that is the main one and one that I have had great difficulty in many of my jobs is managers that don’t know how to let go and let the people that they have hired do the job they were hired to do.

After the meeting we had a barbecue first one of the spring/summer for me and some fellowship/socializing where we sang songs and chatted it was great to get out and be among friends doesn’t happen a lot for me so when I can I enjoy it.

That was Saturday morning early afternoon.  The rest of my afternoon was to be spent cleaning my room okay demolishing my room and vacuuming everything my bed all parts etc.  Why you ask well about a week or so ago I noticed this little bugs crawling on my walls and my bed and it was annoying me so I looked it up on the lovely internet and found out they were harmless to humans but do like to live in food (like wheat), they were weevils.  So my mission for Saturday afternoon was to eradicate the weevils from my room so I could stop feeling like they were crawling on me.  Which they have been several times this week.  So I moved my bed out took the linens off vacuumed the mattress, the box spring the frame, the hot water rad, baseboards and washed the walls.

I was in the process of doing this, looking like crap and we get a lovely unexpected surprise my bro who lives several hours away (4 to be exact) is in town and is wondering if we want to spend time with the kids.  So of course because me and mom haven’t seen the kids since Jan. We definitely did not want to miss that opportunity, so eradicating weevils was put on hold for a couple of hours well I visited with my niece and nephews (only 3 of them were with him so I will have to wait to see my other 2 nieces for another time).  It was a quick visit (2 Hrs) but sometimes that is all you truly need to catch up and show some love and at one point my 7 year old nephew was helping me with my room.  Mom took them to the park, bro showed up then they were gone it was short but it made mom’s year.  She is extremely close to her grandchildren and usually sees them at least once a month, and has never missed a birthday till this year.  With me not working the money wasn’t there for her go as often so she’s been missing them as much as they have been missing us.

So they left and I was back on my mission got that completed, sort of then spent the rest of the evening talking with my mom till we realized that my bed still wasn’t together so she helped me do that.  I love my room now it’s so bright pics to come because my bedroom is not completely done and I am too ashamed for before pics because it looks like a tornado hit but after definitely coming.

Sunday was my disconnect from the world day but I cheated a bit by watching an amazing series online from Northpoint ministries on Love, Sex and Dating from a Christian viewpoint and has inspired my post about my faith this week.. I have been prompted to write it but am afraid because it’s an extremely personal one for me but the way I am looking at is if I can talk about my money and my depression and my self esteem/weight issues oh and my unemployment then I should also be able to share my faith in whatever aspect that may be.  They are all parts of me and I promised that I would not censor myself on this blog and hide who I am so I am going to be completely honest on the post about my choices on how I live my life in relation to Love, Sex, and Dating.

So the rest of the day was spent reading and getting ready for church, went to church came home and talked with mom again.  Today I have spent most of the day vegging, for some reason I like cleaning in the evening so I will blog for afternoon then I will clean (fold clothes/laundry) in the evening and get ready for my temp job tomorrow 6am comes early.

So I will try to update you through the week as usual continue to pray/keep me in your thoughts for me to gain stability in my finances/job/life.

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie

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