stay tuned this is a woman on the move who is tired of living a life of excuses and is going to do something about it, whatever it takes (nothing that breaks my moral code of course) My life, my struggles to get out of debt, getting healthy and not knowing what's next. trying to figure it all out. anyway I can

Posts tagged ‘work’

Fall Back and Change..

Okay so I hadn’t realized how long it’s been since I posted on here and I know if you’ve been following me and my journey.

I have a tendency to drop off the radar for months at a time and make promises to myself about being more consistent in my blogging well here we go again.

It’s been 4 months since I blogged anything of real information about my life and what I’ve been doing with it well that is going to change..  You see I made the mistake no not really a mistake the decision to hand out my business card with my blog address on it.   When I made them I was using them as my mini resume so they have tons of crowded information..   Maybe no one will read it,  but just in case some of the beautiful ladies I told about me (and my lovely journey) will like to see something up to date.

So here it is we fell back today you know got our extra hour of sleep, well some of us did.  I didn’t my body still thinks it’s yesterday and I got my 7 hrs so instead of playing a game or surfing the internet I have all this information and words that needs to get out so I figured I would get them out here before my head explodes.

Just a point form update for now and we’ll do more in-depth analysis on the last couple of months in the upcoming week.  Ready Set Go..

*Still working (yeah for me my year and a half anniversary is next month on the fourth), I have my first review for a raise and promotion(praying) next week.

*Still living in the same apartment (trying to change that circumstances require, more on that later this week)

* Still in debt but I’m making headway there meaning it’s going down slowly but surely.

*Still overweight but I’m still down the 40lbs I lost last year I only gain 5 pounds give or take.

*Still on Isagenix, love it had to not cleanse due to being on Antibiotics and steroids(asthma) for a month or so, can’t wait till November 6th to get back to it.

*Still not exercising bought myself an xbox in January was using it pretty steady then summer hit and my apartment became an oven, work got busy, (life got in the way), I got sick (starting making excuses) and I stopped now it’s freezing so perfect for workout sessions so I’m getting back into that this month.   I’m loving how I’m feeling without the extra weight so If I can lose what I’ve lost without any major exercise then holy cow what will I achieve with it.

*Still have my kitty and she is so “Precious” (that’s sarcasm) more on her antics this week.  I promise I will not blog about her on a regular basis.. I love her, but she is not the focus of this blog, “I AM”.

*Still a Christian attending church regularly and if certain people in my circle get their wish, soon to be attending French services on Sunday morning, because were determined to get my French back and I’m almost there.. I’m starting to understand more fluently, just have to get up the courage to speak it more openly.

I love my church, so much so that I am now in charge of the “web presence” for it and look after Facebook  posting to radio stations about events, and soon twitter and when I get a Mac(apple)  the actual web page.  I also am the unofficial executive administrative assistant” (don’t get paid) do the minutes for our leadership meetings and am in leadership training.

*I’m working on growing my business finally, after many starts and stops.  First official step towards that happened this weekend.. I was always sharing my business with people but I wasn’t actively working on it.  It was more like a pray and see kinda thing..  Now it’s not ..  I invested in the women’s show in my town and it was a great experience I am totally comfortable now in sharing our products and ready to change lots of people lives for the good…

*Finally I have an opportunity coming up to share a special occasion with people that I love and who have been so instrumental in the person I’ve grown into in the past 2 years.   More on that this week as well..  lets just put it this way I’m so excited..

So in finishing as you can see a lot of exciting things on the horizon it can only get better from here for me.  For other people in my inner circle well lets just say (without going to details and a big reason as to why I stopped blogging),  so much of my life I was afraid to share in the fear of who would be reading you know the people I know “in real life”.  but I’m tired of closing myself off if I need to share I’m going to share if I don’t want my “in real life”  friends and family to know what I’m talking about I’ll just make the post private..   This is my outlet to get my pent up emotions and feelings out shutting down the writer in me is not good for my spirit or my body.. I need to do this not only for who maybe reading, but for myself.

So once again I am back for how long and for how consistent I don’t know but I’m going to do my best to keep consistent and keep this thing more regular just in case my words are encouraging you in your own journey..

Take Care and God Bless

Tina Marie

*MORE TO COME!!

It’s the End of the World As We Know It!!

Okay well if you can tell I am talking about the failed prediction of last week, by the way most Christians that I know/follow don’t believe in that theory at all in fact here is my Leader of my church response to May 21st, 2011. ( Borrowed the title from a song done by many artists but I know it from Great Big Sea).

“What a pile of rubbish! Judgment and the end of the world May 21. What hog-wash! Read Matthew 24. People who are not saved or maybe saved, but don’t know their Bibles spread trollop like this and make us look foolish. My advice: live like He would come at any moment . Oh yeh! And if you believe this rubbish please rush over to my house and give me your money before you go :).”  Hazel Hill

So although we don’t know when it will occur with this idea coming up it definitely makes us more conscious of the live we have lived thus far and what changes if any need to be done in the upcoming years to come.

I mainly reflected on how I have treated people.  Have I been following the commandments and decrees set before me am I walking in Love towards those that have hurt me.  I feel that I have some work to do in this area but that I am doing it to the best of my knowledge right now.

Also being reflective it just makes you think what would you do if you knew the time and point at when you would go to be with God.  Would you live your life differently then how you are now, what would you say.  I was thinking about this before from an episode of How I met your Mother called Bad News where someone close them dies and they reflect on their “Last Words”.

What would your last words be?  Mine have always been “I love You”.  My family always makes it a point to say that often sometimes it’s several times a day.  I hear it many times from my mom she says it to me when I go out the door, if I talk on the phone to her when I get home and always before I/she go to bed.   Why because you just never know when the last time will be and you should take every opportunity to let someone know how you feel just in case it’s the last.  So no matter what is going on in our lives or how we feel about each other we always end our conversations with love.

My dad started this, okay it’s always been there but it really became a rule when my ma-mere passed away.  Long story short my dad has been involved in a feud with his sisters for pretty much most of his adult life since his father passed away and they weren’t on speaking terms when my ma-mere got sick.  Instead of honouring her wishes of seeing my father they decided that he didn’t deserve to be there and although she lived for 2 weeks in intensive care my father didn’t get to say good bye to her or that he loved her, so now he makes it a point and we all do to say how we feel, even if we are not really feeling like it at the time.

Anyways this week teaches us that we don’t know when our time is up and no matter what your beliefs are you can’t get this life back.  Once this life is over, it’s over so what do you want your life to be about, what’s your legacy for this world.

I am beginning to realize that I have wasted a lot of my life on useless things and realize that it’s not all about me and so my next part of my life is going to be less about me and more about others.

I have a real drive for issues involving poverty, I just don’t feel like it should be an issue in this day and time that people should not be living in the conditions that they do when there are so many riches in this world.  So I want to devote more time to that once I am back in a position that I can do more.

Also being a Christian I want to do more to share my faith because I believe and you might not share this belief that there is one God and when we die if were saved we go to be with Him and if not well you go somewhere else and I want people to know this more.  So I have decided to be more open with my faith and the first step is me blogging about it.  I have begun to show my faith on Facebook  and now I will be starting at least once a week or so talking about issues of faith with my readers.

The other thing that I have decided I want to do is be more open and less afraid so that means going public, first step to this is posting my updates on Facebook and showing my face.  There are two reasons for this one because I may help people in my circle if I would be less afraid of what they think and two because in order for me to be successful in some of my ideas for my life I need to be seen and have an identity online.  So right now I am still blogging for me but more and more people are reading it and I think it’s good if they know and can see who they are reading about.  Who knows where it can lead.   This is my ministry and I intend on using it to all of it’s abilities.

Okay so that’s my view on the end of the world.. It didn’t happen so we can go on living, hopefully more conscious of how we are living it and what we want our life to be about.

Thank you and God Bless

Tina Marie.

2011 Victory Women’s Conference: What I learned?

P.S. This is going to be a long one, I know when are they not.

Okay I can’t do a post about this conference without talking about God/My faith.  Because it was a women’s conference for my church (Ontario) and it was amazing I feel so free after last weekend yikes it was just last weekend I learned so much and I want to share.. It was biblical based but there was a lot of practical things that could be applied to all women’s lives not just women of faith.  So I hope you give this post a chance and see if there is something or all of it that can be applied to your life.  I know I have started to apply it to mine

I’ll be honest I don’t know what to expect from these conferences I am not at the same level as most of these women of God.  Maybe one day but right now not even close to where they are in their walk with God, but that is okay because like life we are all different and we all are at different levels in our Growth.

The theme of this years conference and for Victory Churches this year is Eph 3:20 Msg

God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us 

or NKJV

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 

So that was this years theme and our speaker for the weekend was Dr.Hazel Hill she is an author and the co-founder of Victory Churches International, my church.

An amazing woman and I am so blessed that she is one of the mentors in my life, she is so down to earth and easy to talk to, hard to believe that she helps organize some of the biggest missions in the world.  If you have a minute check out some of the work that they are doing across this world.. I am proud that I am a member of a church that cares so deeply.  Okay enough with the gushing, onto what this weekend was about.

It’s going to be hard to point form what this weekend was about because it was so many things and all of them important that I truly don’t know where to start.  She had a different topic for each meeting, but they all tied in to the great theme of living an above and beyond life as women of God.  I am a big note taker I like being able to go back and reread what my interpretation of the speakers subject and how I understood it in my own words.  I wrote like 16 pages of notes over 5 meetings so condensing this into bite size pieces is going to be really hard.

Thurs night:  “We need to live at the top, live with “emotion” not just go through the motions”

  • Do not seek things > Seek the Lord and things will follow you : diligently follow the Lord
  • Wrong road never becomes the right road.
  • GPS: Is like God’s word you take His promises (directions) punch into your heart & mind what God’s word is listen & obey: He will show you the way to go, If you miss the turn He will show you the right way ( God of the 1st,2nd, chance.)
  • Reading daily devotions: Get into the word daily so we can be fed fresh bread daily, and not stale bread we need fresh bread from heaven daily.
  • Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression
  • Do the thing that is needful: not many (stop being a Martha Stewart)
  • The men & women of the bible are not just stories but can be mentors in our walk in life.
  • How to do a daily devotion:
  1. Take your time, devote some time to it, decide when is the best time for you to do it.
  2. Have your bible and a journal/notebook at hand
  3. If your not sure what verse to read have a daily devotional book at hand read that then the verse, read till something pops out at you.
  4. Write that down, then try to analyze what He is trying to tell you.
  5. Apply it in your life.
  6. Turn it into a prayer.
Friday morning:  Above Your Highest Prayer
  • God is not the problem: why your prayers aren’t being answered you are in your own way, what’s blocking your prayers from reaching God’s ears.
  • Highest prayer is not about self enrichment but kingdom expansion: Kingdom purposes
  • Man looks on the countenance of the person praying : God looks at the heart, God doesn’t like lip service.
  • When you are hindered by things of sin run to God not away from Him
  • Highest Prayer involves these 1o things
  1. Repenting: forgive yourself or others, sins known or unknown.
  2. Pray word prayers: pray from your heart, what do you see in the spirit, before you can cease it. (If you can’t see it, you can’t cease it: You have to be able to close your eyes & see it)
  3. Get your mind renewed: The word enter your heart, you then need to speak it out, Out of the abundance of your heart.
  4. Pray in the Spirit: According to the will of God, pray in God’s heavenly language (mysteries to man, but not to God)
  5. Do you know what happens when we pray: Sometimes our time is not God’s time (Wait on God)
  6. Expect Results: Sow and expect results, expect a return, if you don’t sow you don’t reap, (sow seeds: prayers, things, finances: (We need to be prosperous: expect a harvest)
  7. Pray Scripture: Issiah 55:11
  8. Have Agreement: Have a partner who will pray with you and agree for your prayers in the midst of them.
  9. Pray according to His will: What soever we ask ( In His Will), Patience is what we need, wait for God to come through. ( It might not be the way we expected or wanted but we always get answers)
  10. God rewards your highest prayers: You pray in secret/He Rewards you Openly
Friday Night: Taking off the limits off your life(Destiny) If you are breathing you can get involved in the Plans of God.
  • We keep looking under the loom of the tapestry that God is weaving, instead of the tapestry on top that is being weaved.  Stop focusing on the problems but instead of the final purpose.
  • The person you marry can either be a hindrance to your walk or a blessing.
  • It doesn’t matter what you have done, but how you finish things.
Taking the limits off: Destiny
  1. Feel it: A vision that comes from God will not leave you, it will plague you/never leave you.  (Hazel says that everything she has done she has done because she has FELT it to her core, that it was more then an emotional thing/not just a momentarily empathy but it was so deep in her she couldn’t shake it.  (Some are called to be facilitator’s: to start things then to pass them on to someone to finish)
  2. Find: Find what it is that God has really called you to do. Sometimes we talk too much, not always supposed to blab everything that God reveals to you & puts in your heart. Learn what to share and when (boundaries).  Ask yourself these questions about your destiny.   What desire has been in you, most of your life?  What drives you forward even when you are tired?  What do I do, that does not feel like work?  People that don’t find their destiny are not happy people.
  3. Follow It: Write the vision Hab 2.  It’s gonna need you and others, God’s timing, not yours, follow diligently.  (Fear is the thing that can stop you from following your visions/destiny: Overcome fear/Trust God).  Do all you know how you know what to do and let God do what only He can do.
  4. Fulfill It: We have to stay focused on what God has told us what to do.  Life is made up of seasons: you won’t have just one vision/purpose/destiny, you may have many purposes/visions that you need to fulfill.  You will have many failures, but you will will have many more chances to fulfill your vision/purpose. (NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM!!)  You can do what you are called to whether you are single or not, with or without a man/woman in your life.
Saturday Morning:  Stewardship  Matthew 25:
  • If you are faithful with the little, you will get much.
  • Give according to your ability, don’t compare yourself to other people.
  • If God gave it to you , you must use it to your best ability: Use it/ Step up and be willing.
  • Sow what you have and you will reap more.
  • Every time you sow a seed expect a multiplication
  • Multiply your good works by sowing into good works.
Steps to Good Stewardship are:
  1.  Favour God’s righteous cause by giving to the kingdom: micro-loans to women from 3rd world countries, missions, church planting, tithe,
  2. When god prospers us , we must magnify through our prosperity.  He is magnified by us giving.
  3. He teaches us to sow:  Offering/Tithe: You don’t see it again in the same form > Trusting that it will reap a harvest >You don’t know how a harvest is gonna come > If you sow you reap> Creative power of multiplication is us the seed.  (Prosperity is progressive it doesn’t happen overnight and it doesn’t always refer to financial, you can be prosperous in many other ways besides financial such as with health, relationships, spiritually, gifts, etc)
  4. You have to break the poverty mentality:  First tattoo on mind then tattoo on body (chinese saying) in other words that if we believe internally it’s going to show externally.  If you go around looking defeated people will start to treat you like you are defeated.  Expose yourself to experiences: Experience something different ie. go to the expensive restaurant for tea if you can’t afford the supper, go a cultural place, don’t limit yourself based on your circumstances now, but of what they could be.  Don’t seek things, they will seek you.
The last thing from this meeting that really stuck in my heart and my head for days and made me finally understand what tithing is truly about was these next couple of statements.  (Tithing is giving your first 10% of anything that you make income/gifts/bonuses/income tax refunds etc, that you give to your church as a show of your covenant w God that you will trust Him to meet your needs)  Malachai 3:10
  • Start with the tithe.  In offering we sow, we establish His  covenant with Us.  You are going to have to do the work.
  • Our tithe is the connector to His covenant, gives us the power to get wealth.
  • He is the one that will make me rich: Don’t look to people.  Trust God for your needs ( He will bring the right people, places, things, ideas that will cause you to prosper)
  • If you do it in God’s way you will prosper.
  • God wants you to have nice things, but not for things to have you.  (Debt, Greed, Keeping up with the Joneses).
Okay that is what the meetings were about the next post will be about the weekend and my experiences from it, again I apologize for the length but if you made it through all this then I hope it helped you in someway shape or form, as it did for me.
Thank you and God Bless
Tina Marie

Progress on cleanse, Productive weekend.

Whoa man did I ever have a productive weekend my room has been officially gutted now to get all the stuff out of the apartment and down the 39 stairs.

Was realizing that should have took before and afters you would never have believed it was the same room oh well at least it’s organized.

Day 3 of cleanse almost done looking forward to another great night of learning at Church tonight.  Excited to see everyone even though it’s only been a week.  Thanks for those that were there for me, it was a rough one but I’m here and I may not know my future but at least I know who holds it.

So yeah I’m on another month normally some people do this cleanse for a month to detoxify and they are right as rain. I am planning on doing this particular cleanse for 6 months that’s how long it may take for my system to start acting like it’s supposed to instead of misbehaving.   What I mean by that is I have IBS and it has ruled my life for the past 5 years and before that if we look into my history it’s seems to have been an ongoing issue since I hit puberty a lot of my illness and allergies hit when I hit puberty.  Doc’s don’t know why their explanation is that it’s probably due to the fact that most women illness are hormonally based which is why puberty tends to be the trigger that worsens symptoms.  Well conventional methods of treating IBS have done more harm then good and so I’m trying this and so far I am loving it.

I have more energy before the idea of cleaning would have thrown me into a tailspin but nope I have gutted my whole room in a matter of a couple of days, no not straight but a task that would normally have taken me a month or so only really took me a couple of days to do.  I’m sleeping better, meaning that when I do get to bed, I sleep soundly, and not intermittent sleep which is very nice.  I wake up rested.  Which means I am not tired during the day and have stopped napping.

I’m eating more then I was before because I’m actually learning my body’s cue and listening to it and feeding it when it tell me that I am hungry so I am eating more on this then I did previously I was the queen of the one meal a day before because I wasn’t hungry or I was too busy to eat (when I worked).  Also because of the IBS didn’t want to eat in public in case there were adverse effects to what I had ate.

Now I eat 3 times a day and snacks and I am drinking tons of water, another thing I have had a problem with.  So far I am loving this and my IBS well not completely gone it has toned down a bit.  However when I do eat things that are bad for me like I did before I went back on the cleanse Poutine with Dad on Thurs and then someone treated us to KFC on Fri.  My body tells me that it doesn’t like it by sweating it out and getting rid of it.

Okay what your probably really wondering is if I’ve lost weight well I haven’t been on a scale I can tell you that I can now fit in to jeans I had 10years ago that are a size 12/14. I am now pulling on my jeans like jogging pants.  the bloat is gone from my stomach and I don’t have that puffy feeling I used to have. I see my shape again and not just fat.  I can’t wait to get on a scale because I think I’ve lost another 10 pounds I hope which would mean I’m well on my way to my 70pd goal.  Hopefully by adding the exercise this month that the pounds will come off as well as I will get toned at the same time, so I will start to see shape and muscle yeah.  I’m doing it all without going to a gym (no money)  I’m hoping to post a before picture very soon and another one  after the first month and follow from there so you can see the progress as I do.

This week now that the room is clean and I’m not focussed on that is to focus on growing my side businesses, and getting a job.  I have decided that if I’m not employed by the 8th of April by my own means that I am going to go get a job at the call centre in the interim till I can find a job(up my alley)that I will be satisfied at this for now (not a long term solution).  I look at is as the lesser of two evils.

No offence to those that work in a call center but it is the kind of job that I can put in my time and leave it there when my shift is over which means I won’t be expending much energy.  Which means I’ll have more energy to concentrate on growing the side businesses and because the bills are being paid the stress will be gone which means I will be able to just maybe take more risks.

So for now so bills can get paid and I can have some benefits I will be hopefully getting a job in the call center now if they won’t hire me I am really going to think there is something wrong with me.  I will continue to apply for jobs while working there but I will be able to get back on track with bills and even just maybe start paying down my debt.  It’s not the worst thing I can definitely think of worse things to be doing.

So that’s the plan for this week:

  • JOB
  • Grow Side Business (talk to 10 peoples about business)
  • Sign up for some freelance bids
  • Blog/(Still debating about domain $17 can’t afford right now, nope not kidding)
  • Get stuff that I’m getting rid of out of the apartment (39 stairs x 10, yeah there’s some of my exercise for the week)
  • Exercise start working out using ball at least 3 times this week, go for a walk at least 3 times this week. start lifting weights (that I borrowed 3 months ago)
  • Continue on cleanse (if interested let me know and I’ll provide the website privately)
  • Spend more time reading and less time watching.
  • Continue with my courses/upgrading skills.
  • Continue to live one day at a time
  • Enjoy the rest of my time that I have off because it is over very shortly.

Also one more thing thinking of become public if for nothing so that I truly have no more secrets in my life. what do you guys think Public or anonymous?

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